Goodbye Sweet Callie Cat

I had meant for my next blog post to be about our Christmas... and it's February, of course. However. we've had a bit of drama in our family this week. Our lovely and loving Callie died over the weekend and we've been pretty upset. Writing about it is cathartic and I'd be remiss to not pay her tribute, so here goes.

Some of you may remember when we brought Callie home. We were in love and obsessed pretty much from the get go and that's how it continued on up until her dying day. I feel guilty because she got quite a lot less attention once Luke was born but that's just the way of things. She was always skittish of the outdoors but in recent months she would tentatively go outside if we left the door open. Usually we were very aware of her doing so and would herd her back in when we were done being out. A few months ago I let her out without realizing it and panicked for 24 hours until she made it home the next night. I hugged her tightly and kissed her a lot and swore to be more careful. Well, last Friday she made another escape without our knowing it. On Saturday Bryan and I started noticing she hadn't been around so we searched the house and she was nowhere to be seen. I posted a picture of her on our neighborhood Facebook page and told everyone to keep an eye out. When I checked it again a neighbor had commented to call her. It was 11 PM by then and too late to call so we waited until the next day. I had a weird feeling about it so I made Bryan do the calling. The neighbor said she'd seen a run over cat that could be her. We checked the area she mentioned and found nothing. All the while we left food and water out on our porch and hoped she was just having an adventure and would come home soon. The next day I set about trying to find out who cleaned up road kill-- hoping to rule out that possibility. I called one place who said they didn't do it and to call the Fish and Game Department, who told me they didn't do it and to call the Highway District, who told me they didn't do it and to call the Humane Society. I called and they said we'd need to come in to see if she was there and that they had a book of deceased pets to look through. About this same time I reported her lost through her microchip company. If an animal is brought in by animal control they are scanned for a microchip and if something comes up they call the company the microchip is through who then call you. When she had escaped months ago I reported it as well but had forgotten to withdraw the report when she returned. This time the company almost immediately called me but told me that I hadn't actually registered so I'd need to do that and pay the fee for me to use their services. I had really thought I'd registered and thought it was odd that they'd call me this time and not the first time I had reported her as lost. Bryan got home from work and we headed out to the Humane Society. I looked through all the cats that had been brought in while Bryan looked through the book of deceased animals. She didn't show up in either one so, with some hope, we went to the front desk to fill out a lost report. Bryan left to go change Luke's diaper while the girl behind the counter asked me for our contact information, etc. She then asked me for Callie's microchip number and I was distracted waiting for her to ask me more that I didn't notice she'd gone kind of quiet. A moment later another girl came by the counter and shocked me from my reverie by gently saying, "So we do have the cat. Her microchip number came up. She was hit by a car. I can take you to see her if you'd like." At this point I got up looking for Bryan and my emotions really started bubbling to the surface. They took us to a small room where something lay on a table beneath a towel. They lifted the towel corner for all of 15 seconds to show us Callie's face and paws before covering her back up. They started talking to us about cremation or taking her home while I stood there crying and all I could say was, "Can't I see her again?" So they unveiled her face again for the remainder of our time there. That image is seared into my mind forever and has been the source of a lot of my emotional outbursts since. She lay there, her ears shrunken back and quite obviously a shell of her former self. I had the urge to reach out and touch her paws one last time but I didn't. We decided not to take her body or her ashes home. It felt weird to bury her here in our subdivision which lacks a sense of permanence for us. We asked them if they could make an imprint of her paw for us but that is a service they do not offer. I wish we could have had more of a service for her. So we drove home feeling hollow-- like we were missing a member of our family who would never return. That night was fraught with tears but the following days have been mostly better, save a few emotional moments. Everything reminds me of her. I keep expecting her to walk around the corner or to jump in my lap. How can she really just not be here anymore?

I'm no stranger to pets dying. A few months after Bryan and I got married my childhood cat, Libby, got stomach cancer and was put to sleep. That was an incredibly hard thing to go through because she was also a very special cat which is why we felt so lucky to have found a cat like Callie. It felt like we had her forever while she was with us but now that's she's gone I realize how short it was. She didn't get the long life she deserved. Libby had a good long life-- 13 years. She was an outdoor cat and had many adventures. On Callie's only second escape into the outside world she met her end. It doesn't feel very fair. Luke will soon forget her. Our other kids will never know her. I'm certain we will get another cat but I'm not sure it will live up to her. How could we get so lucky a third time? She had such a sweet personality. She was warm, loving. If our laps were available it seemed like she was always sleeping on one of them. When we came home she would come running to greet us and she always wanted to be in the room we were in rather than on her own. She was such a low maintenance cat and never ever once had an accident in either of the houses she lived in with us. She was so beautiful, with her calico coloring and bunny soft fur. She loved to tease Luke. She'd let him get right up to her before running away a few feet and letting him catch up and then running again. When she came into my life I was in desperate need of something to nurture. We'd been trying for a baby for some time and it had been breaking my heart. She happily allowed me to nurture her and by so doing she nurtured me in return. I hope that she and Libby have found each other and are romping around happily. I'm grateful to know I'll see her again and I'm grateful for the time we had with her. Callie, we love you and we'll miss you. So much. 

A Year in Review

I am now the mother of a toddler. Yep, we made it through a crazy year. I've heard that the celebration of baby's first birthday is as much for mom as it is for him and I feel that is so true. If you've been following our blog for at least a year you should probably know that the beginning was rough. It is for everyone, in different ways. I'm pretty much terrified to have another newborn and deal with sleep and breastfeeding all over again-- but I know I will be very happy for Luke's little brothers and/or sisters to come when they do. I think about it all the time even though I know that is still a little while away. As my dad would say, I'm worrying about crossing bridges I haven't even come to yet. That's just me, I guess. I think I will always feel some degree of guilt over how breastfeeding went down with Luke, even if it works one of these times around. I'm glad the world is educating everyone on the benefits of breastfeeding but I wish there wasn't so much judgement from well-meaning moms regarding formula. I think you all know how I feel about that because I've been pretty open about it on here. I hope that my next baby isn't born in the winter but if that is what I'm given I'll gladly accept it. Hormones + postpartum depression + not wanting to leave the house + inversion made for a very emotional and depressing winter. Around March or April (after we'd gone to exclusively pumping and were able to have some sort of schedule) Luke and I started getting out of the house during the day and that made such a difference. Slowly life started to have a predictable pattern and I'd never realized how comforting predictability could be. Of course everything can't be predictable but overall things settled down. I started getting excited about sewing and crafting projects and that really helped that I could do something creative for me. Everywhere I would go people would gush to me about how cute my baby was and how much hair he had (that part has died down now that he's a year and a lot of babies his age also have a good amount of hair). He is so sweet and loves to laugh and smile. On the rare occasion he comes up to me, crawls into my lap and puts his arms around me I just melt.This is the biggest trial that I've ever been given because it is constant and forces me to focus solely outside myself-- but that is part of why it is also the greatest blessing I've ever been given. I've never felt so much nurturing love before. Just seeing his handsome face makes me smile.


Well, as he's the one who had a birthday I should give him a spotlight. To start, I took a picture for every month of his life (it wasn't always right on his month birthday... :/). Here's a little timeline progression.

He was born 7 lbs 3.7 oz and was 20 in long... now he's 23 lbs 7 oz and 30 in long! Wow! He has seven teeth (four up top and three on the bottom). He has had about 5 trims-full on hair cuts so far! In July I used his dad's clippers and gave him a huge hair cut! He loves to claps his hands and smile. He crawls up to things, pulls himself up and cruises around easy as pie. He has started standing on his own several times a day for a few seconds. He's going to be walking in no time. He likes to open cabinets and drawers and pull things out of it and still loves to put anything he finds in his mouth. He's said mamamamama and dadadadada for a while but its starting to seem like he knows what they mean. He still babbles them indiscriminately but sometimes seems to use them to get one of our attention. One of his favorite games is run from/chase dad around the house, up the stairs, anywhere. I can go up and down the stairs easily. He likes to eat string cheese, bread and cuties (little clementines) but does not like eggs in any form and is still wary of cow's milk. He likes to have books read to him and and turns the pages himself. He seems to like music a lot and seems calmed by it if he's upset. He has so much personality and love and humor and we are so grateful to be his parents! We are still in awe over him-- I can't believe we created him! This big boy once resided in my tummy.

Well celebrating Luke's birthday seemed tricky when I tried planning a bit ago. His birthday was this past Monday, right after Thanksgiving weekend where we'd just gotten home from being on the road and had no groceries in the house. I thought about having a little play date but his 12 month check up was right in the middle of the day and messed with that idea. I decided that we would just celebrate it early with family. We grabbed some pizzas from Costco and I made chocolate coconut cupcakes for everyone and a special little cake for him. We invited Bryan's aunt, uncle and cousins (one with a baby Luke's age) over and of course had Grandma Sandi, Aunt Shelley, Uncle Mike and cousins Ella and Ethan there. It was a lot of fun! We basically ate dinner, opened presents and ate cake. It was simple but that's what we needed.

On Luke's actual birthday he had his 12 month check up and it was fun to show off to Dr. Miller and see how far he's come. Then he and I went out to lunch together and I bought him a cookie that he enjoyed (with a little help...). That night we went out and bought our Christmas tree and then he got to open his present from us-- a cute little scooter. He doesn't quite get it yet but he was smiling so much when his dad put him on and pushed him around.

I can't believe my little baby isn't a baby. Time seems to have gone really slowly but also flown by. I think I say that all the time on here but I always feel that way. I'm so grateful for my little family and so, so grateful for my son who I have wanted to have for my entire life. Happy birthday, Luke! We love you dearly!

Thanksgiving 2014

On this, Luke's very first Thanksgiving, we actually had two Thanksgivings. My parents were in Utah on company business and I begged them to come to Boise and so they did and we decided we'd have our own, small Thanksgiving. I don't get to see my parents often, though this year has most definitely been an above average count for visits with them. I'll take every minute I can get! It's always fun to have them in our home. I was very excited to cook my first turkey ever. Our pre-Thanksgiving actually landed on a Friday. On Thursday we went shopping for everything we'd need the next day. My mom put her part of the meal together that night. We were also able to take them to see The Village at Meridian, which has such a nice ambiance. The next day I slaved away in the kitchen making turkey, stuffing, cranberry sauce, potatoes and gravy. It sounded pretty simple beforehand but it was a lot of work. I will always appreciate the work that goes in to Thanksgiving from now on. My dad made all his pie crusts from scratch. He made a pie with pumpkin pie filling and another he made from real pumpkins so we could compare tastes. The homemade pie definitely won out but it was so, so much work I'm not sure he'll make the endeavor again.

Luke really enjoyed these sweet potatoes-- my mom's classic recipe.

He got a bath immediately following this picture.

On Friday we mostly relaxed before my parents had to get their flight back to Maryland. We gave them their Christmas presents and they gave Luke his birthday present early. It was a V Tech Sit to Stand Learning Walker. He loves it-- the way is lights up and makes noises and all the different things there are to do. It was so fun to see him playing with it for the first time.

He can also push it around from the back but mostly enjoys the front.

"Playing" with Callie.

Then it was time to say goodbye to Grandma and Grandpa. Luke was so smiley all weekend but when it came time for them to go he wouldn't smile for a picture. I'm guessing this is because he was very sad to see them go, as were we. We had such a good time with them!

The next week we packed up our car and drove down to Utah for actual Thanksgiving. This year we had it at Shelley's house rather than at Bryan's mom's house.

Whitney cousins enjoying some play time together before dinner.

Bryan heading up the turkey fryer with a little help from Grandpa Vern and Dustin.

Bryan fried the turkey and it was delectable-- as was the rest of the meal. Though, I do have to say that I'm ready for a break from turkey for a while after this. Bryan's mom asked me to be in charge of decorating the table this year and it was so fun to do. We had a simple centerpiece-- a wooden bowl with candles and fall berries. I even made a table runner from burlap and used my Silhouette Cameo to make leaf stencils and spray painted those on. I used my Cameo again to make place cards, though they can't really be seen. We also made place mats from art paper with the words "I am thankful for:" on them.

Here is the table setting all together.

Of course to finish the evening off we had some delicious pumpkin pie with whipped cream.

Dessert for Luke.

We had some other festivities as well but they will follow in a coming blog post. We had a fun Thanksgiving and now we are so excited to bust out all the Christmas decorations and music we want. This won't be Luke's first Christmas but he'll be able to be more a part of the traditions this time (and I won't be so out of it!). I hope everyone had a Happy Thanksgiving as well!

Halloween 2014

This is the Halloween I've been waiting for for many years-- the first one I have with my own child. Of course, Luke is a little young for most of the festivities but we were still able to start some of our traditions-- going to a pumpkin patch, carving pumpkins, getting excited about costumes and even a ward trunk or treat. I love Halloween-- I'd say it ranks second in my favorite holidays list (next to Christmas, of course). I love the excitement in the air and I, of course, love the season in which it falls (seriously, no pun intended). I love the decorations and the preparations. I've been planning this Halloween since before I was pregnant. I knew that if I had a boy that I would dress him up as Link, from Bryan's favorite and beloved childhood video game The Legend of Zelda. I like doing things that are special to Bryan-- Luke's dinosaur nursery was also in homage to Bryan's childhood. Now we're just hoping for our next to be a girl so we can dress them up as Luke and Leia. :)

First things first, we went to a pumpkin patch in the earlier part of the month. Apparently some of my pictures are automatically being made into GIFs, so I thought I'd post some of those. You can see from below that Luke and Dada were having a lot of fun!

Classic shot of baby at the pumpkin patch.

On the Saturday before Halloween, we were able to participate in our very first ward Trunk or Treat. We ate chili and all the little kids from our ward made the rounds getting their candy. We got to show off our costumes for the first time, though we had to explain it to most people.

Another family tradition we have is carving pumpkins on the Monday before Halloween-- it's one Family Home Evening each year that is a given. Luke only stayed for the beginning. All he wanted to do was push his little pumpkin off this tray. So we snapped a couple of pictures and put him to bed.

I took some pictures with finished pictures the next day. Luke is checking out this weird thing-- we carved his for him as a very classic Halloween Jack O'Lantern. Bryan, in keeping with the Zelda theme, carved a Hyrule crest and I tried to do an owl in honor of Hedwig.

Finally Halloween arrived! Honestly there isn't much to do with a baby but I took him downtown to Dada's work and we went out for lunch. Everyone is the restaurant, including the owner, were oohing and ahhing over my adorable baby. A couple older ladies kept calling him the Jolly Green Giant. I didn't have to heart to correct them. The owner insisted on giving Luke some free ice cream at the end, which was cute. Bryan's coworkers (also software developers and more likely to be aware of video game characters...) were mostly all able to appreciate Luke's costume right off the bat. It was so fun to take him there and show him off. If you want to make a mom feel happy, tell her how adorable her baby is. I live for that when we're out in public. Anyway, that evening we took a little photo shoot to get the full effect of the costumes and then Luke was in bed before most of the trick or treaters were out. We'll see about next year!

He didn't want to keep his hat on.

Bryan isn't really in to the whole dressing up thing and initially all he was going to do was wear his Zelda t-shirt but after playing Hyrule Warriors he really wanted me to make him Link's scarf.

Scarf detailing.

I knew I wanted to do something to go along with Luke but I wanted to be something simple so he'd get most of the attention. There is a very well known little fairy named Navi in one of the games that is a ball of blue light with white wings. She says, "Hey! Listen!" to Link all the time. As his mom, I thought that seemed very fitting.

Spooooky Halloween dinner.

Well, it's sad that Halloween has come and gone but there are plenty of exciting things to come this month and next. They can be very full and slightly stressful months but they are oh so fun! Coming up we have Bryan's birthday, a little pre-Thanksgiving Thanksgiving with my parents, actual Thanksgiving in Utah, Luke's first birthday (!!!) and of course Christmas. It's time to go blog crazy!