To start off, I need to say that this will likely be the last blog post I ever write on here. Life is too busy and blogging is not a high enough priority for me to continue on. However, since I had recorded all the birth experiences of my older children here I wanted to do the same with this, our last baby.
Part I
In the early part of my pregnancy with Jonah I began to think that maybe he would be our last baby. My instincts were telling me he would be a girl and my instincts had been right for the other two. I had wanted a sister for Penny since I grew up with all sisters. At my 20 week appointment when we found out Jonah was, in fact, a boy I thought maybe I wasn’t quite done after all. Well, Jonah came along and with him all the work that comes with a newborn. A few months after he was born my sister, Lindsay, got remarried. We settled into life as a family of five and life began to normalize again until about a year later when the COVID-19 pandemic hit and then life was most certainly not normal. My sister and her new husband had decided to start trying for a baby of their own but when the pandemic hit and we were all waiting for a vaccine they would go back and forth. We kept the thought of another baby in the back of our minds for a while as well until about a year later deciding to just see what would happen. For a long time for both of us nothing at all happened. Life became a new normal with COVID’s constant presence but life will always move forward.
Eventually Bryan and I decided we needed to either move forward seriously about having another baby or decide officially that we were done. We went to the temple and felt that we would regret not doing everything we could up to and including one IUI to get pregnant. I talked with my doctor and got a prescription for Clomid that I would begin taking at the beginning of my next cycle.
One day in early November my sister called me and told me she was pregnant! I was excited for her– not at all jealous. I’ve been the one having babies for so long that I thought it would be nice to just be an aunt again. It was around this time that I was just waiting for my cycle to start so I could go on Clomid but decided for the fun of it to take a pregnancy test… and it was positive! After 10 months of nothing happening and with a Clomid prescription in my medicine cabinet I had gotten pregnant on my own at the exact same time as my sister! Even though I'd had total peace at her being pregnant before it really felt like it was meant to be at this precise time since both of us had taken a while to get pregnant. She was due July 12th and I the 13th!
I love my sweet kids but felt four would be the maximum I’d sanely be able to handle so we decided that, barring any strong promptings otherwise, this would be our last baby regardless of if it were a boy or girl. Since I am over 35 my pregnancy was considered “advanced maternal age” and I qualified through insurance to have blood testing done to detect chromosomal abnormalities– it would also tell us the baby’s gender 8 weeks earlier than we otherwise would have been able to know. After I had the blood draw we waited so impatiently to get the call to tell us if we would be having a boy or girl. It seemed to take forever! We got a balloon with different colored confetti to pop for the kids. Finally the call came and the nurse said, “You are having… a boy!” We were both a little taken aback. We had felt it was a girl and knowing this was our last chance to have one made us feel admittedly a little disappointed. It was bittersweet throwing away the pink confetti and Penny was particularly disappointed at not having a little sister. However time moved on and we grieved the loss of the idea of another girl and got more excited about our last baby and last little boy especially since Lindsay found out she was also having a boy! To be honest, I now can’t even imagine my new little baby as anything other than who he is.
Now that we knew we were having another boy we had to figure out yet another boy name. We had a handful of names we kind of liked but nothing that was sticking out unlike two girl names that were top of the list. We went back and forth and disagreed. Even names one or both of us had liked in the past we just didn’t like as much any more. At some point the name Owen, which had never been on our list before, began to really stick out to me. We had also originally picked out two family history names per gender and had to come up with another for a boy. Luckily it didn’t take us long to realize we wanted to use Spencer– my mom's maiden name. If she’d ever had a boy that would have been his name. It, at least, was set in stone. We finally got down to a list of seven first names to take to the hospital. We don’t like to choose it officially until we see the baby.
We never really go on vacation but knowing this would probably be our last opportunity to do so easily we decided to go on Spring Break vacation with my parents to St. George. We stayed in the nicest place I have ever stayed before– Arcadia Resort, a bunch of little houses surrounding a big water park. We loved this vacation so much but one sad part was that almost all of us got a stomach bug and were knocked out for a day or two of the vacation each. That was extremely disappointing but we made the best of the healthy time we had.
When we got back we got serious about preparing the house for a new baby. We had decided to move Luke and Jonah into a room together with bunk beds and I wanted to make it really special for them. My friend helped me make an accent wall with thin horizontal boards and we got a cool bunk bed that had a house at the top to give Luke some semblance of privacy. He loves his “apartment” as he calls it. He has a bookshelf up there with tons of books to read, a book light and his own little fan. Some days he says he hates sharing with his little brother but most of the time it’s no problem. We also decided to do something a little different for the nursery than we had with the other boys. We kept the dinosaur theme but painted a mountain accent wall and changed up some of the colors. Overall both rooms turned out really well. I was stressed about getting the house ready in time for the baby but soon everything important was done and we were just waiting…
Lindsay had a scheduled induction date of July 5th due to her age and so I brought this up with my doctor as well and he agreed it would be better for me and the baby, especially since he was measuring a bit bigger, to have him at 39 weeks instead of waiting until 40 so we set up a date for the 6th of July. At that same appointment he checked me. I wasn’t quite 36 weeks but I was already dilated to a 3 and he said he would be surprised if I made it to my induction date. I hoped that was true! I was starting to feel extremely miserable and huge. Gravity was not my friend and I was winded everywhere I went. I was so tired of getting up 5-6 times a night to pee. I really, really hoped that this baby would make an appearance on his own sooner rather than later, like Penny had at 37 weeks 6 days. I went into labor gradually one day with her and everything went so smoothly. I had really hoped it would be much the same this time. To be honest, I was a little scared of being induced again because of my experience with Jonah. Once I got in with him it seemed there was problem after problem and it all went really fast ending in all the drama I wrote about in my last blog post. I weirdly wanted to stretch out and savor this last labor (while enjoying an epidural). Time kept marching on and still the baby did not come.
On the morning of June 26th I woke up to a text from Lindsay– her water had broken and she was in labor! That was an exciting day, waiting for news. By the afternoon she had given birth to a healthy little boy, Samuel Ryder. I was so sure I would be right on her heels! Instead I just kept waiting… I actually had three different times where I truly thought I was in labor but the contractions weren’t strong enough or close enough together and then they would just stop. It was so, so frustrating. I decided this boy would be one who liked to test my patience. I also had higher than my usual blood pressure at my last appointment and went in once to get it checked to make sure I didn’t have preeclampsia. The end there was just fraught with worry. I was almost positive I was going to have him on July 1st with how bad of contractions I was having that morning. Again, the contractions simply disappeared after a while. At this point I was getting worried that I really was going to go into labor on July 4th. What I had been wanting and wanting so badly up until this point I suddenly wanted to delay. I’ve never wanted my kids to share birthdays with holidays. Everyone deserves their own day that is about them… Luckily the day passed without a major incident and I resigned myself to an induction on the 6th as originally planned.
Part II
On July 5th I decided my theme song of the day was, “Tomorrow” from Annie. That night Bryan gave me a Priesthood blessing as he always does before the births of our babies. One thing I specifically wanted to mention is that he blessed me that there would not be anything in this delivery process that I could not handle and that the baby and I would both be healthy. He also blessed me to have faith over fear.
I anxiously waited until the morning of the 6th to call the hospital and find out when I should come in. When I did so they said they didn’t have room for me and to call back at noon… that was surprising. The theme song of this day then became, “Sitting, Waiting, Wishing” by Jack Johnson. My parents had stayed the night since we had expected to be leaving first thing in the morning. Bryan took my dad, Luke and Penny to the Archery Range to shoot with his new bow and arrows. We spent a lot of this day just impatiently sitting around. At noon they still didn’t have space for me and said to call back at 4 PM! Ugh! At 4 PM they still didn’t have the room but they said they’d been in contact with my doctor and I was guaranteed to get in that night. So finally when I called at 6 PM they told me to come in at 7:15 PM. What a waste of a day of Bryan’s paternity leave but I no longer cared– just SO glad to be getting in and having this baby.
We took a picture of me entering the Labor and Delivery part of the hospital in a throwback to one I did when going in for Jonah. When we compared the two it seemed obvious why I was so much more miserable– I was a LOT bigger this time!
They got me in and hooked up to an IV and running penicillin for being Group B Strep positive. I started in the hospital dilated to a 5 or 6 so at least those false labor contractions I had been having were doing something. They set me up on the lowest dose of pitocin at 8:40 PM after being in the room for just over an hour getting everything all set up and getting checked in. After less than an hour of that with increasingly painful contractions and discomfort I decided I didn’t need to be a hero anymore and asked for my epidural, which was administered at 9:25 PM. The anesthesiologist was very funny and nice and answered all our questions. During my labor with Jonah Bryan had told me that the epidural needle was the biggest needle he had ever seen. So since this was the last time I’d be doing this I asked him to show it to me– after he had actually done it so I wouldn’t be nervous. Once the epidural began to take effect I just remember feeling so relaxed. At 10 PM my doctor came in and broke my water. They also put me on oxygen to help with the baby’s heart rate dropping, though this was not as concerning as with Jonah. The baby seemed to like me being in a certain position so whenever I would get back into that his heart rate did just fine. The nurse had me bear down to get the baby into position and by 11:30 PM they had paged the doctor to come in and deliver him. I was pushing for about 10 minutes before the doctor said the baby’s heart rate was going down too much and he would need to use forceps. The nurse accidentally brought over premie forceps and when she left to get the normal size forceps I had another contraction and pushed him out on my own. Apparently nothing can strike fear into the heart of a woman giving birth like the word, “forceps.” Kidding, of course.
The baby was born at 11:46 PM just barely making his birthday the 6th of July rather than the 7th. He was 9 lbs 4 oz and 20 inches long! I didn’t know I was capable of making such a big baby– Luke was 7lbs 8 oz, Penny was 6 lbs 11 oz and Jonah was 7 lbs 6 oz. I made lots of jokes about having eaten too much fast food this pregnancy. The baby did not have any notable problems apart from some minor bruising but he cried and cried for a long time after birth and did not want to be comforted. I was able to nurse him in the delivery room and that seemed to go decently. He also had a lot of dark brown hair and he reminded me most of Penny as a baby. All my babies had a lot of hair but Owen probably had the most.
We got wheeled into the Mother and Baby unit and got settled and at this point it was very late so I sent the baby to the nursery, planning to have the nurse bring him back to me to breastfeed him throughout the night. Bryan went home to get a little rest before rejoining me the next day.n The next time the nurse came in she said that the baby had low blood sugar which meant they had to give him a measured feed instead of letting me nurse him. They gave me the option of giving him formula or pasteurized human milk (PHM) and I chose the latter but wasn’t happy about not being able to feed him. I felt so disconnected from my baby. At the next feeding again he had low blood sugar and they had to feed him– meaning that I didn’t feed my baby the entire first night after having him. It was a very weird feeling. The next morning the pediatrician on call came in and I told him about this and he asked if they had given me the option to pump. They had not discussed this with me so the next time the nurse came in I brought it up and they got me set up with a pump. The pediatrician also said that he had a bit of a heart murmur, which can be common with newborns, but they were planning on doing an echocardiogram just to be safe.
Despite the low blood sugar and need for an echo I was surprisingly calm, considering how things had gone with Jonah. I truly believe that Bryan’s blessing of faith over fear was something that Heavenly Father had endowed me with because through all the tiny dramas that occurred with the baby I never really got upset. Another thing that came up was that the baby didn’t seem to want to suck. The nurses were concerned about this and wanted me to meet with the lactation consultant. While also pumping to make sure I had a supply, we tried bottle feeding the PHM and various other things but He didn’t want to suck. I just knew that he’d get there in the end and wasn’t worried.
Bryan got into the hospital after all this and while the baby was having his echo. So much can happen in one night in the hospital and I had to catch him up on it all. My dad had a physical therapy appointment that morning and came straight to the hospital from that while my mom got all the kids dressed and ready and brought them in the van to meet their new baby brother. Once the baby was done his echo the nurse wanted me to try feeding him with the lactation consultant so my dad and Bryan left to meet my mom and the kids in the cafeteria for lunch and then my mom came up to be with me while the lactation consultant was there. He still had trouble sucking and she discussed different positions and things with me but didn’t seem too worried either.
After lunch my dad came up to visit the baby with my mom because, including Bryan, there were too many visitors to be in the room at once. My parents got to meet him and hold him and then my dad had another appointment to go to so Bryan and the kids came up. They swarmed me with hugs when they came in and initially barely gave a glance to their new baby brother. Eventually we had each of them take a turn holding him and took pictures of them with him and then as a new family of six! My mom took the kids home but not before Luke had a difficult time saying goodbye to us— of all our kids he feels our absence most deeply when away from us.
Once everyone had left we needed to officially decide on his name. We went into the hospital with a list of seven names but Owen had always been at the top for me. Bryan had been hesitating on it but a week or so before had said, “If he comes out with chubby cheeks and brown hair he’ll be an Owen.” He had totally forgotten saying this but I reminded him when the baby had just been born and he was commenting on his brown hair and chubby cheeks! We narrowed it down to Owen and Miles, a name that had been on our list since we were pregnant with Luke, but in the end officially decided on Owen Spencer Whitney.
Later that day I had pumped some colostrum and was trying to get Owen to eat it by dipping my finger in it and putting it in his mouth. He actually started sucking on my finger when I did this and ate most of it this way! That night he had no problems nursing– he fed well all night and the concerns about sucking dissipated. The next morning we found out that the echo showed no serious concerns and the murmur was expected to resolve itself. His bilirubin levels were checked and they were “low to intermediate risk” so they never did light therapy or had to send us home with a bili blanket or anything. The pediatrician would check on the heart murmur and bilirubin levels the next day but we were able to be discharged!
I ordered one last free lunch from the hospital cafeteria, fed Owen and then we made our way home to our kids! I usually want to stay in the hospital longer but I guess my long stay with Jonah cured me of that. I was happy to get home and to have all my kids together there. We got home and my parents stayed just for a bit, getting a chance to hold him a bit and then left for us to get settled.
Part III
Well here we are six weeks later and finally posting about Owen’s birth. Though it feels like the blink of an eye to the reader to just say, “6 weeks later” I can assure you that every week and day was hard fought to get to. Owen has not been any harder a baby than any of my others and in some ways he is easier but time flows differently with a newborn. I know that I’ll be able to look back on this time and say, “In the grand scheme of things that was actually such a short time,” but when you are in it it feels like a very long time. I measure my life in two hour increments for feeding during the day and though he goes in longer stretches at night I am still quite exhausted.
One blessing that we’ve had is that Owen has been a much easier baby to nurse. I can count on one hand the number of times he has fought me and cried about latching. His latch is not always perfect but he will generally always go on very easily. Usually he eats for 30-45 minutes! When you measure time to next feed from the beginning of a feed that leaves a small window of time before you’re doing it again! Breastfeeding is just constant but I know we’ll get to a good place where it doesn’t feel so much that way. I’m just so grateful that he generally nurses well and little by little it is becoming less painful, though not all the way yet.
I have always eventually transitioned by younger babies to sleeping in a swing but recently the AAP cautioned against swing sleep or sleep in anything with an incline. I was so worried about how I was going to figure sleep out because I relied on that motion to help soothe them before eventually weaning them off of it and putting them in their crib. After seeing ads for the Snoo for a while, I dreamed of being able to get one but they are exorbitant. Luckily they have an option to rent one month to month so we decided to do this for 3-4 months, which is usually about when I transition my babies to their crib. So far I wouldn’t say it is perfect but lately he has been sleeping well in it at night. Around 8:30 PM I feed him and then Bryan holds him for a bit while I get a head start on sleep. Bryan usually puts him in the Snoo around 10:30 PM and then he’ll sleep until around 2 AM. After I feed him and put him back to sleep he’ll sleep in it again until 5-6 on a good night. Sometimes he isn’t settled enough when I put him down and requires some snuggling to get to sleep. During the day lately I have been trying to put him down for naps in it more. He usually only lasts in it a maximum of thirty minutes for naps but I know he’s still young and this is normal. I look forward to things falling into a more predictable pattern! As someone who likes structure, the newborn stage is very hard for me.
Postpartum depression has not been too bad this time– once I got through the first two weeks of intense hormonal changes I would say there are only a couple of times where I could tell I was feeling down chemically rather than situationally. Mostly the constant breastfeeding, being cried at and sleep deprivation have made things difficult but that is to be expected. Every second of every day I am relieved to know that this is the last time we’ll do this. It’s nice to know that I won’t wonder what might have been.
One thing that has been nice is having someone to go through this with. My sister and I text each other to see how each other and our babies are doing often. We give each other advice and comfort. I am so grateful for that and I love knowing that Owen will be growing up with a built in friend.
The older kids love the baby so much, particularly Penny. When Owen is awake and happy sometimes I lay him on a playmat or sit him in his bouncer and have one of them come talk to him and entertain him so I can get something done. They are also feeling the effects of a not very present mom. I’m so consumed with baby that they are often left to themselves. I’m glad they have each other even if they fight way more than I wish. Luke says he wants to remember this time because he doesn’t remember it with Penny or Jonah so he writes about it in his journal. Some days he really feels the effects of our being so distracted and misses how things were before. He will start school this week and I think that will be really good for him. Jonah started preschool last week and Penny will start Kindergarten next week! I have no idea how I’m going to manage all the drop offs and pick ups with Owen and his needs too but we’ll manage. We’re in for a wild ride this year!
We sure love our newest and last addition. He is sweet and snuggly and oh, so handsome. Our family feels complete now with Owen and it is a very peaceful feeling.
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