I had meant for my next blog post to be about our Christmas... and it's February, of course. However. we've had a bit of drama in our family this week. Our lovely and loving Callie died over the weekend and we've been pretty upset. Writing about it is cathartic and I'd be remiss to not pay her tribute, so here goes.
Some of you may remember when we brought Callie home. We were in love and obsessed pretty much from the get go and that's how it continued on up until her dying day. I feel guilty because she got quite a lot less attention once Luke was born but that's just the way of things. She was always skittish of the outdoors but in recent months she would tentatively go outside if we left the door open. Usually we were very aware of her doing so and would herd her back in when we were done being out. A few months ago I let her out without realizing it and panicked for 24 hours until she made it home the next night. I hugged her tightly and kissed her a lot and swore to be more careful. Well, last Friday she made another escape without our knowing it. On Saturday Bryan and I started noticing she hadn't been around so we searched the house and she was nowhere to be seen. I posted a picture of her on our neighborhood Facebook page and told everyone to keep an eye out. When I checked it again a neighbor had commented to call her. It was 11 PM by then and too late to call so we waited until the next day. I had a weird feeling about it so I made Bryan do the calling. The neighbor said she'd seen a run over cat that could be her. We checked the area she mentioned and found nothing. All the while we left food and water out on our porch and hoped she was just having an adventure and would come home soon. The next day I set about trying to find out who cleaned up road kill-- hoping to rule out that possibility. I called one place who said they didn't do it and to call the Fish and Game Department, who told me they didn't do it and to call the Highway District, who told me they didn't do it and to call the Humane Society. I called and they said we'd need to come in to see if she was there and that they had a book of deceased pets to look through. About this same time I reported her lost through her microchip company. If an animal is brought in by animal control they are scanned for a microchip and if something comes up they call the company the microchip is through who then call you. When she had escaped months ago I reported it as well but had forgotten to withdraw the report when she returned. This time the company almost immediately called me but told me that I hadn't actually registered so I'd need to do that and pay the fee for me to use their services. I had really thought I'd registered and thought it was odd that they'd call me this time and not the first time I had reported her as lost. Bryan got home from work and we headed out to the Humane Society. I looked through all the cats that had been brought in while Bryan looked through the book of deceased animals. She didn't show up in either one so, with some hope, we went to the front desk to fill out a lost report. Bryan left to go change Luke's diaper while the girl behind the counter asked me for our contact information, etc. She then asked me for Callie's microchip number and I was distracted waiting for her to ask me more that I didn't notice she'd gone kind of quiet. A moment later another girl came by the counter and shocked me from my reverie by gently saying, "So we do have the cat. Her microchip number came up. She was hit by a car. I can take you to see her if you'd like." At this point I got up looking for Bryan and my emotions really started bubbling to the surface. They took us to a small room where something lay on a table beneath a towel. They lifted the towel corner for all of 15 seconds to show us Callie's face and paws before covering her back up. They started talking to us about cremation or taking her home while I stood there crying and all I could say was, "Can't I see her again?" So they unveiled her face again for the remainder of our time there. That image is seared into my mind forever and has been the source of a lot of my emotional outbursts since. She lay there, her ears shrunken back and quite obviously a shell of her former self. I had the urge to reach out and touch her paws one last time but I didn't. We decided not to take her body or her ashes home. It felt weird to bury her here in our subdivision which lacks a sense of permanence for us. We asked them if they could make an imprint of her paw for us but that is a service they do not offer. I wish we could have had more of a service for her. So we drove home feeling hollow-- like we were missing a member of our family who would never return. That night was fraught with tears but the following days have been mostly better, save a few emotional moments. Everything reminds me of her. I keep expecting her to walk around the corner or to jump in my lap. How can she really just not be here anymore?
I'm no stranger to pets dying. A few months after Bryan and I got married my childhood cat, Libby, got stomach cancer and was put to sleep. That was an incredibly hard thing to go through because she was also a very special cat which is why we felt so lucky to have found a cat like Callie. It felt like we had her forever while she was with us but now that's she's gone I realize how short it was. She didn't get the long life she deserved. Libby had a good long life-- 13 years. She was an outdoor cat and had many adventures. On Callie's only second escape into the outside world she met her end. It doesn't feel very fair. Luke will soon forget her. Our other kids will never know her. I'm certain we will get another cat but I'm not sure it will live up to her. How could we get so lucky a third time? She had such a sweet personality. She was warm, loving. If our laps were available it seemed like she was always sleeping on one of them. When we came home she would come running to greet us and she always wanted to be in the room we were in rather than on her own. She was such a low maintenance cat and never ever once had an accident in either of the houses she lived in with us. She was so beautiful, with her calico coloring and bunny soft fur. She loved to tease Luke. She'd let him get right up to her before running away a few feet and letting him catch up and then running again. When she came into my life I was in desperate need of something to nurture. We'd been trying for a baby for some time and it had been breaking my heart. She happily allowed me to nurture her and by so doing she nurtured me in return. I hope that she and Libby have found each other and are romping around happily. I'm grateful to know I'll see her again and I'm grateful for the time we had with her. Callie, we love you and we'll miss you. So much.
