Ode to My Home

Can I get sentimental for a minute here? I'm a very very sentimental person as you might be able to tell. Today I walked into my house after being gone for a week and I felt like crying. In a few short days we will say goodbye to this house forever. My parents recently moved out of my childhood home and thank goodness I wasn't there for it. I've just had to put it out of my mind to deal with out. That house held so many memories for me and just felt so good to be in. Every time I came home from college I felt like it was hugging me, welcoming me back. What is it about homes? They are just framing and dry wall. Carpet and countertops. We can take our memories with us wherever we go so why is it so hard to leave? While I have only lived in this house for two and a half years, it has really become part of my heart. Of course, OF COURSE I'm going to miss my neighborhood and ward and friends SO MUCH. But right now I'm talking about this house... like it's a person. More than a person-- a family member. It has been so good to us these past couple of years. We brought our brand new little baby here. It was a comforting place to be while I navigated the murky waters of new motherhood. I'm so conflicted because I do want it to sell so we can move forward. But when it does I just can't look back because thinking about someone else making memories in this house kind of breaks my heart. I'm not sure why.

Anyway, I have all these crazy emotions bottled up inside right now due to the move and I find writing about it is the most therapeutic way I have of dealing with them.

If anyone in the Boise area is looking for a home to love, here is a link:

http://www.myrealtyidaho.com/listing/98605474-9861-w-tilmont-boise-id-83709/?utm_source=hootsuite

It has been so good to us.

A New Adventure

When we graduated college and moved out of Utah three and a half years ago I was confident that we would never come back to live there again. Boise, Idaho welcomed us with open arms and we fell in love with this place we'd never given much thought to before. I would be so happy to stay here many more years and yet...

We are moving to Utah.

Yep.

That's happening.

Back in August we went down to Utah for a family vacation, spending time with both of our families. Bryan started to say that he was feeling like we should move back to be closer to our family. While I love both sides very dearly, I vehemently put my foot down. I didn't want to live in Utah and I never had. My life was in Boise, the cost of living was so much better here, we live close enough for an easy road trip, Bryan has such a good job... I enumerated the reasons until I was blue in the face. We finally decided we wouldn't move anywhere until we were sure we could be financially stable there.

At the beginning of October someone reached out to Bryan on LinkedIn from LDS.org. He has dreamed of working for the church since his mission when he was assigned as an Office Elder and helped them with their computers. It was there that he decided that he would study Computer Science and was excited at the thought of using that interest he already had to further the work of the Church. Coincidentally, it is through a fellow mission buddy that he was recommended to work at Clearwater, his current company. Most of the blessings in our life together stem from Bryan's mission. So, when the recruiter for the Church contacted him Bryan told them that he was very happy at his current job but that he would go ahead with the interview.

At first I thought it would probably just be a passing thing-- that I didn't have anything to worry about. In the past I have heard that the Church doesn't pay very well and we didn't want to take a step down financially so we would stay put. We figured if he did get the offer it might be just slightly higher than what we were making now to compensate for cost of living. Bryan went through a few phone interviews, an online test and a Skype interview. Each successive interview mounted my stress and my fear but I kept coming back to the salary and my love for Boise and felt mostly confident we would stay.

I really fought the idea of living in Utah tooth and nail since it has never been a place I imagined raising my family. Growing up on the East Coast, I had a totally different experience in my religious and cultural life from what my Utah born friends described. I liked what I'd had-- valued it. I did seek out the BYU college experience and wanted that but never expected to stay beyond it. I hate to really point out on this blog the reasons I was so sick about Utah itself because I have a lot of lovely friends who are wonderful people who were born and/or raised there. Lets just say that there were several cultural and religious reasons I didn't want to live there. So Bryan knew all of my concerns and had even told his recruiter about them. He was very back and forth, saying we loved where we lived and that especially his wife didn't want to leave but then he kept doing well in interviews. The recruiter had one of their employees and his wife call us so we could ask them questions. They were both specifically not from Utah and had even moved from Idaho for the job. I went into the conversation not thinking it would change my mind in the slightest but talking to them was comforting. They'd felt a lot of the same things we felt and told us how their experience had been so much better than expected. After that I felt slightly more at peace about going to Utah but I still was having a hard time leaving.

Before his final interview, Bryan's recruiter called and let him know the salary that they had decided on, should the offer be extended to us. To put it lightly, we were taken aback. It was quite a bit more than we expected from them. At that point, it seemed inevitable to me that if he did get the offer we would go. Still, after his final interview he was told there were two other people that needed to be interviewed still and that we'd know the following week. We both felt like if he got it then that would be exciting but we'd still have to make a final decision but if he didn't we would be relieved and happy to stay here. Those few days were torture.

Then, he got it. Still reeling from this. We still hadn't decided but we had until Friday to do so. We felt like it was a good opportunity to work for the church and to be near family and the salary was very tempting. We were like 99% there with the decision but... my heart wouldn't let go. I needed a spiritual confirmation that this could be right for us. Of course we had been praying and fasting about it but I still felt unsettled and our temple happened to be closed for cleaning at the time. We decided to ask to have blessings for each of us. We had our friend and member of the bishopric come over to do so and before he did he sat with us and talked through the whole situation. He himself is a seminary teacher so he does work for the church and talked a lot of his experience there and what Bryan's experience might be. How it would bless our home to have him directly serving the Lord and furthering the work. That is a spirit I cannot wait to have in my home more. During both blessings, he mentioned several things we hadn't even discussed with him that were weighing on our minds and so many things from mine touched me. One in particular that he mentioned that really touched me is that, if you'll notice with certain groups in the scriptures that God asks them to move before He performs a miracle for them. The seedlings of my true testimony as a teenager began when I felt the love of God for me personally and specifically and in this blessing that is one thing I felt strongly. God knows my heart and my trials and He will be by my side. He wants this for us and He wants to bless us. This is the direction our lives are going. We could stay in Boise, in a place we both love, but we both felt wrong about it. Like if we did it would be stagnant because our lives were meant to progress in Utah. And so... we accepted.

We are selling our home. Our beautiful, practically brand new, custom designed home that is part of my heart. I'm having a hard time because I've been looking at houses for sale in the area and price range we want and they are just not what I want. They feel like a step down from where we are now. We are looking forward to having a basement, though!!! I seriously wake up feeling antsy and anxious about packing, cleaning, listing the house, showings, etc. Bryan will start January 4th but because we are spending Christmas in Maryland with my family this year we will move temporarily into his mom's basement about mid December. There is so much to be done before then.

I'm still having a hard time coming to terms with leaving. Boise is where we first lived together as a brand new married couple. It's where Bryan got his first job, where we bought our first home, where we had our first beautiful, wonderful baby. It holds so many wonderful memories for me. I love my friends. I have a truly wonderful support system of other moms like me that I have relied so much on and they have been a balm to my soul.I love my ward and my neighborhood and my house. I even love my Ob/Gyn and the grocery store I shop at. Even the fire station I pass on the way home from Costco and the stretch of road it stands on. I. love. my. life. It is so hard to leave. But it is where we are being led and we will go.

I am excited to live there now, in a lot of ways. We will be so much closer to family! That is a big thing! I can't wait to laugh and play games and have Sunday dinner together more often. Bryan's mom loves to babysit her grandkids, which works for me. I could use a few more outings to movies or plays or, most importantly, the temple with my husband. I can't wait to take Luke to the Aquarium and the Treehouse Museum and the Museum of Natural Curiosity. I can't wait to live near IKEA!!! I will be near old friends I'd like to see more. My parents and other friends and family will be able to visit much more easily! Life will go on. I will make new, wonderful friends. I will come to love a new home and place.

I am very grateful for the love and guidance of the Lord in my life. Truly, He knows what I need better than I do. I've seen the same thing again and again in my life. I think I know what is best for myself and take steps to make it so but He tenderly leads me the way I'm meant to go. And it is always better than the path I might've taken. I'm sad to go but grateful for the opportunity to progress.

We love you all and look forward to seeing a lot  of you more often.

Halloween 2015

Fall is just the best time of year, in my opinion.The weather starts to cool down and the trees turn beautiful shades of red and orange. It's my birthday month and I get to wear boots over my jeans and cardigans. My second favorite holiday also happens to land in the fall and there is the excitement of other holidays around the corner. This year we started off the festivities by going to Linder Farms with our friends the Mannings. Luke had so much fun climbing on hay bales and running through hay bale mazes, riding tractors and Go Karts with dad and playing in the corn pit with his buddy Jackson. We also took a hay ride out to several huge pumpkin patches to choose our pumpkins.

On the hay ride

This pumpkin gets so much bigger every year

We have a tradition of carving pumpkins the Monday before Halloween for FHE. This year Luke wasn't able to carve his own but he was so much more involved in the whole process, which was fun to see. We ran around the driveway and "helped" us scoop out our pumpkins and draw on them. The designs we chose are indicative of our interests.

Yuck, guts!

Bryan: Protoss symbol from Starcraft

Me: Deathly Hallows...

...and a snitch, because I had room

Luke: Daniel Tiger

Also this past weekend we had Bryan's cousin Laura and two guy friends come for a visit (they were the 11th Doctor, Amy Pond and Rory in the last Centurion form.... so awesome). Laura's newlywed sister lives nearby in Nampa and their parents happened to be visiting them that weekend as well so we had a big Halloween party! We had mummy french bread pizza and bone shaped bread sticks. We played a lot of games and they held down the fort and handed out candy while we took Luke trick or treating.

I just love coming up with ideas for costumes. Seriously like five months ago I was like, "Halloween is coming up-- I better think of a good costume for Luke!" Five months ago. To be fair, I had his Link costume picked out for his first Halloween before he was ever born. I've become quite the crafter in the past few years so I love making his costume. Though we don't necessarily always plan to have family costumes, Bryan and I decided to go along with Luke's theme. I decided to go with a Hobbit this year because Bryan got really into the movies this year and watched each other them several times with different commentaries. I would often come downstairs on Saturday morning to find him and Luke watching one of them. And, since Hobbits are short and, lets be honest, kind of cute, I decided that's what Luke should be! Bryan and I decided to be simple version of Gandalf and Arwen (chosen only because I have brown hair like her rather than Galadriel). Someone pressed us on which Hobbit Luke was and I really didn't have one in mind. If I had to choose I'd say he probably most resembles Samwise Gamgee.

Our little Lord of the Rings family

My adorable Hobbit!

Gandalf and a Hobbit on their way to Isengard... er trick or treating

Luke had so much fun trick or treating! We did a big loop around our neighborhood but it wasn't too many houses because a lot of people had their lights off, no doubt trick or treating themselves. He didn't know how to say "trick or treat" yet but he did know how to reach out his hand after someone answered the door. He loved collecting the candy and putting it in his bag and was so well behaved as well. I just love my little family. I hope everyone else had a Happy Halloween too!

Spring- Summer 2015

Okay, skipping right from Christmas to Summer and doing so in November... pretty much par for the course with me. Though you can probably already tell what we are up to at any given time with a glance at my Facebook page, I  like to have things written out for our family to look back on so I try (not well) to record our adventures. I wish I was better at doing this more often because now I'm reaching back alllll the way to Easter and trying to remember what even happened.

Easter, as it often does, landed on a Conference weekend this year. We had a pretty simple holiday but I was excited to play the Easter bunny more so than last year now that Luke is more little boy than baby. On Saturday I took Luke to a neighborhood Easter Egg hunt during Priesthood session. I think I got there maybe five minutes late (if that) and all the eggs were already gone! I've learned for next year that kids are voracious when it comes to Easter Egg hunts! A friend let me use some of her daughter's empty eggs to set around and let Luke pick them up, so that was nice. The next day was simple. We got up and had cinnamon rolls (trying to make that a conference tradition) and let Luke find his basket. We gave him a little candy and some simple toys. We watched Conference and then had Ham and Cheesy Potatoes for dinner-- my Easter classic dinner.

Luke "hunting" for eggs.

A week or so later we had such a treat to have our friends David and Weston come and stay with us for a weekend. Bryan grew up with these guys and then they all lived together in college. In fact, before Bryan and I were Bryan and I we were all just good friends. I've written about them before. It was a pretty relaxing weekend of playing games and just hanging out. We went out to eat at The Counter (drool) and they got to meet Luke, which was really neat.

Luke and his new buddy Weston playing on the computer.

A few days before Easter our niece Ella called us multiple times begging us to come visit them in Utah for the weekend. It was pretty last minute so we didn't go but we promised we would visit over Memorial Day weekend so that was our next trip! Road trips are hard with kids. But we had fun and mostly just relaxed and played games. My favorite kind of vacation!

Luke helping Ethan play at the park near Grandma Sandi's house

A couple posts ago I wrote about our sweet Callie and how she died. I was really not sure when I'd be ready to have another cat because I didn't want to feel like we were replacing her. However, it just so happened that a family in our ward/neighborhood had two cats that had a litter of kittens each right around the same time. They had twelve kittens to find homes for! We wanted to help them out and we love kittens so we decided to go for it... we got two! Just after memorial day we were finally able to bring them home. We named them Clara (after Clara the companion from Doctor Who) and Watson (From Sherlock).

Clara and Watson join the family

In June Luke and I had Mommy & Me swim lessons from a family in our stake. For two weeks we got up and out the door by 9 with our friends Jennifer and Tyson. Luke had fun in the water but was also pretty independent and didn't want to do the things we were trying to learn a lot of the time. Still, he did learn a lot. One thing he loved to do was jump in the pool into my arms. We had fun showing off his skills to dad over the summer.

Also in July I cut my hair to my chin, updated my Etsy shop, we had Father's day and Luke went to nursery! He... did not like it at first. He cried a lot the first few times and then for several Sundays we was just kind of sober but now I drop him off and he runs off to play without so much as a goodbye when I'm trying to smother him with kisses.

We invited Bryan's mom and his brother Mike to come visit us for the 4th of July and again we had a nice relaxing time. We had delicious food and set off poppers in the street. Luke LOVED those! Then after Luke went to bed Grandma stayed home with him while the rest of us checked out fireworks all around the neighborhood. It was a lot of fun!

4th of July Spread

Luke didn't want to let me take a picture of him in his Captain America shirt

Sandi had to go back to Utah after the weekend but Mike was able to stay with us for a week. We are pretty chill so we didn't have a lot of activities planned or anything but on Saturday we all went to the World Center for Birds of Prey that happens to be, oh, a 10 minute drive from our house. It was seriously awesome too!

We also went to Bryan's company (Clearwater Analytics) party. They decided to host at the zoo, which was so fun! We didn't get to be there too long because I'm kind of strict about Luke's bed time but we did get to do some fun things-- like feed a giraffe! Luke was in awe.

Just a little bit later than that a few friends and I decided to check out a petting zoo in Caldwell, ID. it was a lot of fun but also like 45 minutes away waaay out in the country. We had fun but man, was that a hot day. My cousin Melissa came and she was super pregnant with twins-- poor girl.

We also had a fun Stake pancake breakfast celebrating pioneer day. We had a pie baking contest and then got together later with friends for swimming and a barbecue.

Climbing trees at the pioneer day celebration!

At the end of the month my sister Natalie came to visit for a couple days with her kids. She lives overseas most of the year but they set up camp in Utah for the summer and, since Boise is not too bad of a road trip, I begged convinced her to come. It just so happened to land on a little family holiday we celebrate-- Harry Potter's birthday! So, since we all love Harry Potter I decided to throw a simple party.

Pin the scar on the wizard

Mixing potions

Drawing our Patronuses

Last of all, Butterbeer!

Just a week or so later we took our second road trip to Utah for the summer for my nephews Elijah and Tyler's baptism! We had a lot of fun with almost all of our family together, playing games and hanging out. One day we had the chance to go down to BYU and check things out and that was neat to see. We met up with my old roomie Alicia and caught up. A lot of stuff has drastically changed there since I was in school. Sigh, I'm old. The baptisms themselves were so neat and the spirit was really strong there. I'm so so glad that I got to be a part of it. That evening I even got to see my long lost best friend Ashley who I hadn't seen in over four years! I miss my friends!

Hanging out at BYU

After we got back to Boise, we had yet another fun time when Bryan's cousin Brynn and her family came to stay. They have a daughter about two weeks younger than Luke so those two had fun romping around together. We got to go to the zoo again but this time we spent a lot more time looking at every exhibit and it was so fun! But... then it got hot. We also went to Brynn's sister's wedding open house, played games and hit up H&M (a must when Brynn comes to town).

Lastly, we finally got a new oven. I haven't written about it on here but we were dealing with a horrible mouse situation where the mice had peed on the insulation of the old oven and taken some out, which made it unusable. It smelled like mouse pee every time I turned it on and the safety of it's use was compromised. We tried to get our builder to pay for it since the mice got in through a hole they hadn't sealed but they wouldn't So, we relented and just bought a new one over labor day when we thought the mice were all gone, Spoiler: they weren't actually >:( but we are working hard on that issue now and they haven't done anything to the new oven so far. The oven is covered under a 3 year warranty that would cover situations like that, though. That is making a veeeery long story short. But we were without the use of an oven for over 6 months. Stove top, Slow cooker, Grill. At least it was summer time!

Well anyway, we sure did a lot this summer but I loved giving Luke all of these new experiences! Next up, Halloween... which will be much more timely!

Christmas 2014...

I literally cringed as I wrote that title. I feel incapable of moving forward and writing more blog posts until I acknowledge and account for our Christmas.

This should be short, as we didn't go anywhere this year and hadn't just barely had a baby.

The Sunday before Christmas I got food poisoning. 😷 It was seriously not fun and I think it'll be a while before I can look at, much less eat, Thai food again. I'm sorry, Bryan. He served his mission there and loves the food. Well anyway, luckily for me Bryan took the whole week off so I had the help I needed with Luke. Unluckily for Bryan (and me) our Christmas break week wasn't all we hoped for. In fact, I was determined to have Luke see Santa and get a picture on his lap but was unable to. I was feeling better but not great so we went to The Village a couple days before to find a TWO HOUR WAIT... in the winter cold!! Horrible. So we left and it was an altogether miserable experience.

I was feeling like 95% myself on Christmas Eve and our friends invited us over to enjoy a little dinner and Christ centered program. That was so nice, especially since we don't have any family in town. It really made the evening special and we even got some Christmas Eve snow!

The next morning we got up and opened presents with our one year old little boy! He didn't really get what was going on but it was still fun. We had our traditional Eggs Benedict breakfast followed by a lazy day enjoying new presents and resting. We then had our traditional Ham dinner... and that was that!

So now that St. Patrick's Day is upon us... Woops. Anyway, at least now I'll feel resolved about that. Here are some Christmas videos we took (I totally forgot about pictures! Uh oh!) I hope the YouTube links work. Enjoy!

Goodbye Sweet Callie Cat

I had meant for my next blog post to be about our Christmas... and it's February, of course. However. we've had a bit of drama in our family this week. Our lovely and loving Callie died over the weekend and we've been pretty upset. Writing about it is cathartic and I'd be remiss to not pay her tribute, so here goes.

Some of you may remember when we brought Callie home. We were in love and obsessed pretty much from the get go and that's how it continued on up until her dying day. I feel guilty because she got quite a lot less attention once Luke was born but that's just the way of things. She was always skittish of the outdoors but in recent months she would tentatively go outside if we left the door open. Usually we were very aware of her doing so and would herd her back in when we were done being out. A few months ago I let her out without realizing it and panicked for 24 hours until she made it home the next night. I hugged her tightly and kissed her a lot and swore to be more careful. Well, last Friday she made another escape without our knowing it. On Saturday Bryan and I started noticing she hadn't been around so we searched the house and she was nowhere to be seen. I posted a picture of her on our neighborhood Facebook page and told everyone to keep an eye out. When I checked it again a neighbor had commented to call her. It was 11 PM by then and too late to call so we waited until the next day. I had a weird feeling about it so I made Bryan do the calling. The neighbor said she'd seen a run over cat that could be her. We checked the area she mentioned and found nothing. All the while we left food and water out on our porch and hoped she was just having an adventure and would come home soon. The next day I set about trying to find out who cleaned up road kill-- hoping to rule out that possibility. I called one place who said they didn't do it and to call the Fish and Game Department, who told me they didn't do it and to call the Highway District, who told me they didn't do it and to call the Humane Society. I called and they said we'd need to come in to see if she was there and that they had a book of deceased pets to look through. About this same time I reported her lost through her microchip company. If an animal is brought in by animal control they are scanned for a microchip and if something comes up they call the company the microchip is through who then call you. When she had escaped months ago I reported it as well but had forgotten to withdraw the report when she returned. This time the company almost immediately called me but told me that I hadn't actually registered so I'd need to do that and pay the fee for me to use their services. I had really thought I'd registered and thought it was odd that they'd call me this time and not the first time I had reported her as lost. Bryan got home from work and we headed out to the Humane Society. I looked through all the cats that had been brought in while Bryan looked through the book of deceased animals. She didn't show up in either one so, with some hope, we went to the front desk to fill out a lost report. Bryan left to go change Luke's diaper while the girl behind the counter asked me for our contact information, etc. She then asked me for Callie's microchip number and I was distracted waiting for her to ask me more that I didn't notice she'd gone kind of quiet. A moment later another girl came by the counter and shocked me from my reverie by gently saying, "So we do have the cat. Her microchip number came up. She was hit by a car. I can take you to see her if you'd like." At this point I got up looking for Bryan and my emotions really started bubbling to the surface. They took us to a small room where something lay on a table beneath a towel. They lifted the towel corner for all of 15 seconds to show us Callie's face and paws before covering her back up. They started talking to us about cremation or taking her home while I stood there crying and all I could say was, "Can't I see her again?" So they unveiled her face again for the remainder of our time there. That image is seared into my mind forever and has been the source of a lot of my emotional outbursts since. She lay there, her ears shrunken back and quite obviously a shell of her former self. I had the urge to reach out and touch her paws one last time but I didn't. We decided not to take her body or her ashes home. It felt weird to bury her here in our subdivision which lacks a sense of permanence for us. We asked them if they could make an imprint of her paw for us but that is a service they do not offer. I wish we could have had more of a service for her. So we drove home feeling hollow-- like we were missing a member of our family who would never return. That night was fraught with tears but the following days have been mostly better, save a few emotional moments. Everything reminds me of her. I keep expecting her to walk around the corner or to jump in my lap. How can she really just not be here anymore?

I'm no stranger to pets dying. A few months after Bryan and I got married my childhood cat, Libby, got stomach cancer and was put to sleep. That was an incredibly hard thing to go through because she was also a very special cat which is why we felt so lucky to have found a cat like Callie. It felt like we had her forever while she was with us but now that's she's gone I realize how short it was. She didn't get the long life she deserved. Libby had a good long life-- 13 years. She was an outdoor cat and had many adventures. On Callie's only second escape into the outside world she met her end. It doesn't feel very fair. Luke will soon forget her. Our other kids will never know her. I'm certain we will get another cat but I'm not sure it will live up to her. How could we get so lucky a third time? She had such a sweet personality. She was warm, loving. If our laps were available it seemed like she was always sleeping on one of them. When we came home she would come running to greet us and she always wanted to be in the room we were in rather than on her own. She was such a low maintenance cat and never ever once had an accident in either of the houses she lived in with us. She was so beautiful, with her calico coloring and bunny soft fur. She loved to tease Luke. She'd let him get right up to her before running away a few feet and letting him catch up and then running again. When she came into my life I was in desperate need of something to nurture. We'd been trying for a baby for some time and it had been breaking my heart. She happily allowed me to nurture her and by so doing she nurtured me in return. I hope that she and Libby have found each other and are romping around happily. I'm grateful to know I'll see her again and I'm grateful for the time we had with her. Callie, we love you and we'll miss you. So much.