To Grandmother's House We Go!

So a couple of weeks ago, without too much advance warning, we hopped a plane and went to Maryland. Just like that! Actually it was a lot more intense than that-- traveling is a lot more complicated with a baby than on your own. We had to carry around a cooler bag full of breast milk, bring our pack 'n play, check the car seat and stroller at the gate each time, worry about naps and fussiness on the plane and another million things I'm pretty sure I've blocked out. A couple nice things about our traveling with baby experience, though: everyone was very complimentary on how adorable my baby is but oftentimes would try not to sit next to us (which is how we got a free seat between us on our first flight out, which was "full." Sweet!) and we didn't have to haul heavy carry on bags around the airport because he put it all in the basket of Luke's stroller or hanging off the handles. Our two flights out went really well with him! He was overall happy and cute. The way back was crankier, though, and we were glad to be home.

My sister lives overseas during most of the year and so we wanted for everyone to get together in the summer when she and her family would be here. Originally we had rented a big cabin in Colorado for everyone to come to. That would have been a straight through, 2 hour flight for us. Simple. A couple weeks before that planned trip my dad had a heart attack (which he is recovering well from now, thank goodness) and the doctor told him that he should fly under no circumstances. So, that trip was postponed until the fall. However, that would rule Natalie and her family out of coming and after the scare of my dad's heart attack we all wanted to be together. So plans were moved and changed and we went home to Maryland instead.

Luke's first flight!

I can pretty much barely get him to sleep in my arms anymore.

Layover + Two Hour Delay in Chicago Midway

Finally we arrived! It was so good to be home-- the home I love so dearly. We were so excited to see everyone! Several family members still hadn't met Luke, including his cousin just a few months older than him.

Meeting his future playmate for the first time!

Playin' with cousin Jack! Another future playmate-- though Jack is a year and a half older.

Smiley boy loved this toy Grandma had!

I am really glad we ended up going back to Maryland. My parents are selling my childhood home and I got one last hurrah there. I'm also glad I got to bring at least one of my kids there. They are moving just a half an hour away so technically when I go back I could drive by my old house but that sounds much too painful-- some other family living in my house.

Such a gorgeous house.

I had a very idyllic childhood.

I love Luke snuggles.

First time on a swing!

Not sure why he pulls his own hair... Silly boy!

Being men, grilling.

One of the nights we decided to have a girls night out to the temple. I didn't realize it until i was putting my skirt on but I'd left my recommend at home in my temple bag! We had to go through the whole process of calling my bishop at the temple so I could go. I'm so glad I was able to because it was a wonderful experience. We were greeted by this site when we got home:

Bryan & my brothers in-law playing board games. I love seeing this!

Mom and sisters at the temple.

This was probably the last time I'd be in my home ward... I'm glad I got to show Luke off.

Cousins having fun playing!

Dad and Luke enjoying the porch swing.

Luke would crack up when Ivy jumped on the trampoline.

Silly boy!

We got to see so many old friends while we were there-- Amanda came to chill with us one morning.

Mom and Dad took us to visit their new lot. It was gorgeous and green and had us longing to live on the east coast (don't worry Boise friends, we love it here too and will be here for a little while still).

Panorama view of the lot.

Grandma and Grandpa playing with Luke while Bryan and I took a stroll around the lot.

Cousins enjoying some video game time.

We were there for a little less than a week but the time flew by too quickly for my taste. It felt so nice to be home and be with my family. Unfortunately two of my sisters weren't able to come with the change of plans but luckily we'll see them and their kids when we go to the Colorado cabin this fall.

Since we've been back life has continued to be busy. Luke used to sleep until 7-8 but has never really gone back to that since we got back. He's been getting up so early lately and I did not miss that. I think it's mostly due to teething and having a general 8 month sleep regression that comes with learning to crawl and such. I've been busy crafting up a storm-- making birthday presents and play mats and decor for our house. I love it! I'm also just about done weaning myself off of pumping. It's gone well but been a little emotional. I'll post more on that later. Bryan got a call from Nintendo America saying they approved him to be a game developer for the Wii U!!! We are very excited about that. He really enjoys making games as a hobby.

Anyway, that's life as of late!

Independence Day + Life

Oh, do I have a blog? Sometimes its been weeks months since I've written and then all the sudden I'll remember that I have one. Especially now that we have our sweet little boy, I want so much to document life. I was looking through my personal hand written journal the other day and realized that I haven't written in it since I found out I was having a boy. Wow, Alyssa. Way to take note of the important things in life. Aaaaanyway, I'm here now, writing about not writing... so I should probably get onto the meat of the post.

Well, the 4th of July was a couple of weeks ago and we had a great day. I just love any reason to celebrate. Recently, I've started a craft group with some other ladies in my ward/neighborhood and I've really enjoyed it because I love crafting. We meet just once a month but I craft myself nearly every day. Anyway, at our first craft group I made these:

I saw them on Pinterest and couldn't stop thinking about them. They aren't perfect but I really like them. I just put little flags in them this year but maybe next year I'll get some flowers or something for them.

Since the 4th was a Friday we decided to use the long weekend and go to Utah. This was Luke's first long trip ever! The car ride was the worst of it. We left after Bryan got home from work and I assumed that would be perfect and he'd sleep in the car. Sometimes when we're out and about and it's getting close to nap time as we are driving home Luke will fall asleep in his car seat (which I hate because then it's hard to transfer him without disrupting the nap process) so I thought it'd be like that. I'm not sure if it was because it was bedtime instead of nap time or because Bryan's car is brighter than the one Luke and I drive around in (it has better gas mileage) but it was not what I was expecting. He did take a little nap in the late afternoon of the car ride and that went okay. I snapped a picture of him sleeping. So cute:

To grandmother's house we go!

Anyway, he was a tired boy on the trip but did pretty well with naps once we were actually there. On the 4th we went a little carnival in Morgan, where Bryan's mom lives. It was so so hot and I was reminded of why I'm not a fan of summer. I hadn't realized this until then because I spend most of my time a.) in the house in air conditioning b.) in the car in air conditioning c.) in a store in air conditioning... basically I would die without air conditioning. I mostly lurked in the shadows (i.e. shade of anything I could find). It was a cute little fair with a lot of fun things for kids to do. Cousin Ella got her face painted. She asked for a "unicorn looking at an American flag" and the face paint's eyes widened dramatically with each word. In the end she just got a unicorn-- she's a funny girl. There were also some fun ring toss, etc games to play for free. Bryan, Luke, Shelley, Ella and Ethan took a cute little train ride around a field.

I love this candid shot of everyone.

Later that day Bryan's cousin, her husband and their baby girl Dierdre came over. Dierdre and Luke are just a couple weeks younger than Luke so we thought it would be fun to get them together. It sure was! They really interacted. You can kind of see it in some of the pictures below. Dierdre is a cute girl with such a sweet disposition. I wish we could have play dates more often!

We had a delicious BBQ with hot dogs, hamburgers, potato salad, frog eye salad, corn... so many delicious things. I made a fruit pizza for dessert:

When the babies were put to sleep we decided to set off some small fireworks. I've never bought fireworks before-- just watched the big ones others set off. It was fun to do that and have sparklers. It'll be fun when Luke is old enough to appreciate these things too.

After, we just sat in Sandi's backyard and watched fireworks all over the valley. I'm not exaggerating when i say it was the best fireworks experience I have ever had. We didn't have to go anywhere or deal with crowds and we could see them going off all over. Her neighbors even set off some really good ones right in front of us that were better than the city fireworks! I can't remember which these were, though:

So fun! The next day my old roommate Alicia came up and visited all day. it was so fun to introduce her to Luke and she just loved him. Who doesn't, though? He is such an adorable, happy baby. I can't get enough of him. We played with Luke and when Luke went down for naps we played games just like old times. In the evening we ate s'mores and finished off our small fireworks.

What an amazingly fun weekend! We drove home on Sunday and that drive was probably worse than the one there. There was this huge hassle of trying to find a place to warm Luke's bottle and the only gas station for miles having the convenience store closed... seeing someone run into the pump... Luke waking up and falling asleep a million times over... Lets just say we were so happy to get home and sleep in our own beds.

Also since I last posted Bryan and I were able to celebrate Mother's Day and Fther's Day. Last year we knew we were having a baby and so we celebrated but now we really are fully fledged parents. For Mother's Day Bryan bought me a 90 minute massage and a couple other small, cute things. Oh. My. Gosh. I told him he could get me that every year! Best Mother's day present ever! Motherhood is hard work and getting to relax like that is just about the best thing I could have asked for. For Father's Day I got Bryan a few small things and we also got a grill from Target for a really good deal! We've been grilling up a storm ever since. Bryan is a grill master already.

 As I mentioned earlier, I am super into crafting and sewing right now. It's important to do something for yourself as a motehr so you aren't drawing from an empty well. This is what I do for me and I'm thriving in it. Sometimes I can't fall asleep at night for thoughts of all kinds of different projects I'm planning on doing. A lot of them are for my house but one of the things I'm doing is making these padded travel play mats for babies and selling them on Etsy. If you're interested here's the link: http://www.etsy.com/shops/TheLoveableLion

Well, last but absolutely not least is Luke. Really, I just saved the best for last. We love this little boy so much! The first three months were very hard. I loved him dearly then as well but they were very hard. I'm sure you're aware if you've been keeping up with this blog. After that the months have really seemed to fly by! I love being a mom to this smiley sweetheart. It's still hard work but he is so cute and so much fun. I love watching him grow up and go through all these different stages. He eats normal food with us and has his bottom two teeth and his top two are slowly coming in. He can roll over both ways easily and always, always immediately rolls to his tummy for sleep now. He's been in his crib for months and sleeps 11 hours most nights! We love bedtime! He enjoys having his Dada read him bedtime stories and his Mama sing to him. He still has a full head of hair and has had three haircuts already! If we set him down sitting up he stays that way easily to play with toys. Right now he is working on crawling! He army crawls pretty well but is working on getting up on his knees. He's no longer content to sit in our laps but wiggles all around to get to what he wants. He is such a cute boy and I kiss him pretty much every moment I am playing with him. Here's a video I took of him trying to crawl yesterday. Beware, it is three full minutes long.

Life is very, very good.

Easter 2014

Well, I'm a little late on this post but better late than never, as they say. This Easter was very exciting because Bryan and I got to play Easter bunny for the first time ever and we had family in town. I love, love, love festivities of any kind. Of course Easter is so much more than just egg hunts and chocolate. It is a time to remember our Savior and the sacrifice He made for each and every one of us. That should always be the focal point of this day but fun little activities are an exciting side note. Luke is a little young to go hunting for Easter eggs but that didn't stop us from including him in egg dyeing fun.

 All our eggs in all their glory.

 Bryan was very proud of his Triforce egg.

Every Easter growing up my mom would make or buy us a special Easter dress so new clothes are eternally linked with this day in my mind. We got Luke a cute little outfit from Target to wear the church. Here he is after church on Easter morning with the egg I dyed for him-- a little dinosaur, which seems to be his theme.

 Easter baskets from the Easter bunny (mom & dad) and Grand Easter bunny (Grandma Sandi)!

And finally, our delicious Easter feast of ham, cheesy potatoes and salad (followed later by a not pictured coconut cream pie). We had such a fun time having Grandma Sandi and Uncle Mike here to celebrate the day!

Breast is best... when it works.

Before I was ever pregnant (before I was even ever married) I knew I wanted to breastfeed my babies. Breast is best. It's drilled into our heads-- and it is true. I worry that at one point I was a bit snobbish about it. "Why would anyone not breastfeed? It's so much better for baby and mom in so many ways!" I think I assumed that most moms who choose formula over breastfeeding were doing so for selfish reasons. I sincerely hope that that attitude changed when I learned of friends and family who tried to make it work but just couldn't for various reasons. Thank goodness we live in a day and age where formula is an option! Babies used to die if they couldn't get the breast milk they needed for one reason or another. Still, though, I assumed it wouldn't come to that for me. I knew it would hurt at first but assumed that we'd get into the swing of things after a few weeks and life would start to normalize and fall into a routine. While most things with our sweet boy have started to settle down (he's a great night sleeper, for instance! And he's in his own room in his swing!) the breastfeeding never has.

When Luke was first born we had the obvious pain from trying breastfeeding for the first time and doing it pretty much constantly. I assumed that was normal and we'd get the hang of it, even though several weeks had passed and it was still hurting. My sister told me it started to hurt less for her around 4 weeks, so I thought it would be much the same for me and I looked forward to that day. Then one night Luke spit up blood. Of course, as any new parent would do, we panicked. We took him to the pediatrician and even had x-rays done of his esophagus to make sure there were no obstructions. There weren't, thankfully, and our pediatrician said she was pretty sure the blood was coming from me in cracks, even if I couldn't see them. She had me pump for a week and give him that milk as a way of making sure it wasn't coming from him. After the week we went back to breastfeeding but it was still painful and about a week after that he spit up blood again and so back to pumping we went.

Around this time I suspected something more than the usual was amiss and found out from a lactation consultant and then my doctor that I had a yeast infection. I didn't ever end up seeing any white patches in Luke's mouth so I'm pretty sure he didn't have it. I tried everything under the sun to get rid of it. Diflucan, probiotics, vinegar soaks, gentian violet... life was craziness. In the mean time we went back and forth from breastfeeding to pumping so many times that I can't even recall them all. It was a nightmare. Finally, after almost two months and in my second round of difulcan and with the help of vinegar soaks, the yeast infection went away. But it left behind some pretty severe cracks and I was still nursing through the pain, determined not to let myself be beaten. I felt incredibly stubborn and adamant that I would make breastfeeding work.

During this time Luke started eating very fitfully several feedings a day. He would often break off crying and refuse to re-latch, even though I could tell he wanted to. He would root around and when I'd give him what I thought he wanted, he seemed offended. We tried burping him, soothing him, giving him gas drops. We thought maybe he was teething but that ended up not being the case. The lactation consultant thought my milk supply had dropped so I started taking fenugreek but it continued. Then I read some information on oversupply and overactive letdown and that actually seemed to fit the bill. He would often come off coughing and sputtering. So I tried block feeding to decrease my supply but I actually don't know that I make all that much. To this day I still don't know what was going on.

A couple of weeks ago, around the time I was trying block feeding, the severe cracks I previously mentioned seemed to be causing me increasing pain with each feeding. I would often cry out in anguish when he would latch on. One day I broke down crying and told Bryan that I was terrified for the impending feeding that was hastily approaching. We decided to go back to pumping so that I could heal and then we'd get back to breastfeeding. That night Luke slept from 9:45 PM to 6:30 AM without interruption for the very first time. We were pretty convinced this had to do with a calmer and possibly more filling feeding experience. So I pumped for a week and felt like I'd healed enough on one side to try breastfeeding again... and it wasn't as painful as before but it was still painful... and I had some pretty immediate and intense bruising.

Well, I cried a lot that day. I really gave in to feeling like a failure. So many women can make breastfeeding work. Why, why couldn't I? Yeah, I know it's a two way relationship between mom and baby and that baby has to be doing things right as well. That thought didn't comfort me at all. I felt like I'd tried and tried and none of my efforts or innumerable prayers seemed to make anything better. I'd wanted this so desperately. I felt devastated that I might not ever get it right. I avoided thinking about going to formula because I felt so sad every time I thought about giving up this idea I'd built up my whole life. Breastfeeding is so completely emotionally charged and I've been clinging to it for dear life. I want to feel like he needs me for something that only I can give him. So, for now, we are exclusively pumping.

While seeking comfort on the internet I stumbled across this blog post. Perhaps the most profound statement she makes is this: "Breastfeeding is not the true test of motherhood." I feel like there is a lot of guilt, pressure and judgement out there regarding breastfeeding. Because of all the research done showing its many benefits some have become a little fanatical about it. Here is another blog post that has helped me come to terms with the way things are and to feel reassured. The most interesting point she makes is that we've kind of started to make breastfeeding an idol. As though it is the only true way and if you don't go that route that you won't bond with your baby and you might not even love him as much as a breastfeeding mom! Now of course I don't believe every breastfeeding mom feels this way, in fact most women I know are very sweet and understanding about these issues. A lot of them have gone through these issues. However, with all the emphasis put on breast being best I've come away with a general impression that I'm somehow lesser if I can't pull it off.

Well I'm here to say that my baby is a much happier baby and in turn I am a much happier mom ever since we switched to bottle feeding. Instead of raging and crying at the breast he is calm and often drifts peacefully into drowsiness or looks up at me with his bright eyes and smiles with the bottle in his mouth. As I mentioned, he sleeps much better too. These things have made all the difference in my decision to pump exclusively. If he'd been a happier eater, despite my pain, I would have sought ways to better his latch and fix the problem. I just can't argue with a happy baby so I've had to swallow my pride and accept this is what is best for Luke and for all of us. Pumping is inconvenient and oftentimes annoying but if that is what is helping my baby be happy then I'm willing to sacrifice a little convenience. My goal is to pump for three more months. At that point I'll re-evaluate and see if I can stand it much longer. Who knows, I might get into a good rhythm and it will just be a natural part of life. If not, though, I will make the transition to formula. And I've finally come to accept that and feel at peace in my decision.

No, in reality, it’s just a blip on the timeline of eternity. It’s just one tiny facet. And…dare I say: There are much, much more important things that factor into the well-being of your child than whether you use breast or bottle. - See more at: http://thehumbledhomemaker.com/2013/09/dear-mom-who-tried-to-breastfeed-and-thinks-that-she-failed.html#sthash.2TOPqrkS.dpuf

No, in reality, it’s just a blip on the timeline of eternity. It’s just one tiny facet. And…dare I say: There are much, much more important things that factor into the well-being of your child than whether you use breast or bottle. - See more at: http://thehumbledhomemaker.com/2013/09/dear-mom-who-tried-to-breastfeed-and-thinks-that-she-failed.html#sthash.2TOPqrkS.dpuf

No, in reality, it’s just a blip on the timeline of eternity. It’s just one tiny facet. And…dare I say: There are much, much more important things that factor into the well-being of your child than whether you use breast or bottle. - See more at: http://thehumbledhomemaker.com/2013/09/dear-mom-who-tried-to-breastfeed-and-thinks-that-she-failed.html#sthash.2TOPqrkS.dpuf

No, in reality, it’s just a blip on the timeline of eternity. It’s just one tiny facet. And…dare I say: There are much, much more important things that factor into the well-being of your child than whether you use breast or bottle. - See more at: http://thehumbledhomemaker.com/2013/09/dear-mom-who-tried-to-breastfeed-and-thinks-that-she-failed.html#sthash.2TOPqrkS.dpufHere

I feel like for months I've been praying to God and asking Him to heal me, to fix my problem, to make it work. I have to admit I felt a little abandoned by Him at times. Instead of things getting better they just kept getting worse! I had assumed that since I knew breast was best that that was how it was going to be and that God would make it work. I was trying for so long to force my will to be the right path instead of accepting His will. Eventually my prayers became pleas for guidance and for the courage to accept His will, even if that meant breastfeeding just wasn't going to work. It's taken a long time to really accept that but I think I have. I do still sometimes feel sad when I think about the fact that I'll likely never physically breastfeed him again. I console myself with the fact that, at least for now, he's still getting my milk and so I still have that emotional connection. And I do hope to be able to breastfeed my next baby. I've got a lot more knowledge and practice under my belt to start off with. We'll have to see. All I know is, the correct path is the one that is best for baby and no one else, not even me.

Luke's Blessing

Last weekend we had quite the family gathering here in Boise, ID. Our closest family is about a four and a half hour drive south of here in Utah, so we are used to being out and away from everyone. It was such a treat to have so many people visit-- more than I ever anticipated! If Luke knew what was going on he would be so honored to know so many people came to support him for his baby blessing! So that you can get a sense for how full our pews were on Sunday, here is the rundown on our guest list: my parents (coming from Maryland), sister Tammy (Utah) and her daughter, sister Stacey (Utah) and three of her boys, sister Hailey (Colorado), sister Lindsay (Pennsylvania) and her husband and two girls, Bryan's dad (California), his brother Mike (Utah), his mom (Utah), his sister Shelley (Utah) and her husband and two kids, our friend Jilleun and Kelvin (Utah) and then from in town our friends Lee and Suzanne and their baby, friends Loren and Erica and their daughter, two of my mom's friends and their husbands and her two cousins. Phew! There was alsoanother baby blessing and family in town for two baptisms! Our ward was packed!

Anyway, I love having visitors and hosting things so it was a lot of craziness but a lot of fun all the same. Five out of six of my sisters were there-- Natalie lives overseas in Qatar so that was quite impossible but we missed her so much! I really enjoyed showing off Boise and our new house and, above all, my precious baby.

As to the blessing itself, it was very beautiful. Apparently Luke started crying during it but I didn't hear it at all. I was hastily jotting down notes on the back of the program to remember what Bryan had said. One thing I will mention here on the worldwide web is that Bryan blessed him to have a love of studying and learning. That really stood out to me because that is so Bryan himself! He loves to learn and share what he has learned. It made my heart swell to think of my little boy looking up to his dad and being like him. It also makes me think he'll have an inquisitive personality, which is fun to imagine.

Lindsay snapped a few pictures of us in the pews just after the blessing, singing the hymn. 

After the block we hosted an open house in our home with a lot of delicious food. Of course chicken salad sandwiches from Costco were on the menu. No party is complete without them, in my opinion. The funny thing is that the three of us were gone for a good portion of the open house-- me pumping, Luke being fed and Bryan bring me food and such. When we were all done we got to talk to people some but then Luke needed a nap, etc. Life with a baby is crazy. 

Here we are with the Jaspersons (or Jasps, as I like to call them) before they headed home.

Tammy and Stacey had left by this point but I got a picture with Hailey and Lindsay.

Later that night, almost as an afterthought, we took a family picture.

This is a little out of order but here is one Lindsay snapped of the two of us. Somehow Lindsay's iPhone seems to take the best pictures of me rather than a normal camera. 

As soon as they had arrived, everyone was gone. Except for my parents, that is. They stayed a couple extra days and that was nice and relaxing. Especially the part where my mom rocked with Luke for two super long naps while I, in turn, also got a nap. That was wonderful. We also went and got some pictures taken of Luke is his blessing outfit and a few others. The photographer was very talented, very nice and seemed to have a magic touch with babies! I felt like we were good friends by the end of it. It was a great experience.

Well anyway, we are so lucky to have so many loved ones who care about us and our sweet boy.Thank you to all who came! We love you!
 

Rough Initiation

Luke is nearly two months old and since his birth we have experienced so many joys... But we've also many trials. This motherhood thing, while so so worth it, is so hard! I really thought things would start to normalize by now but that just isn't so. Is it really this hard every time or have I just had a particularly rough go? I really want to enjoy this stage because he's so sweet and cuddly and cute and I just can't stop kissing his hairy head but there have been so many trials. I've definitely had quite a few break downs. I'm a person who really hates drama but it seems that is my whole life right now. I don't want my blog to start to be some negative thing but some days a mother has to vent. If I write them all down maybe it will be like getting them off my chest and I'll be able to move on and endure well these trials. So, in attempted chronological order, here they are:

-Bilirubin
-Postpartum Depression
-Breastfeeding Pain
-Luke refusing to sleep anywhere longer than 30 minutes but in our bed or in our arms
-Luke spitting up blood
-Finding out the reason for the blood is that I've been cracking
-Going back and forth from breastfeeding to pumping three times
-Finding out the reason for the cracking is a stubborn case of thrush that has been hanging on for dear life
-Taking diflucan, probiotics and applying lanolin and them not working
-Realizing that lanolin has actually been worsening the situation, not helping
-Gentian violet and APNO not working as quickly as I'd hoped
-Luke getting super congested and disrupting his very tolerable sleep schedule
-Bryan and I getting severe colds...
-...followed immediately by food poisoning
-Luke crying while nursing during several feedings and realizing he is already teething (so young, I know, but there is an unmistakeable white nub starting to show more and more on his bottom back gums)

Okay, I sure hope I've gotten all my complaining out of my system and that things will gradually start to get better. Just to even things out and realize life isn't so bad, I'll list out some of the things I'm grateful for:

-A pretty easy pregnancy with almost no nausea
-A delivery without complication
-Luke being perfectly healthy when he was born
-A speedy physical recovery for me
-A generally mellow baby
-Already being back to my pre-pregnancy weight
-Bilirubin healing
-Help from parents and Bryan
-Going on Zoloft
-Luke not having too much pain from his circumcision
-A baby that doesn't have day/night confusion
-Having a barium test on Luke to confirm that the blood didn't come from him
-Breastfeeding pain getting slowly better from use of gentian violet and APNO
-Such helpful friends in my ward who are always thinking of me
-Advice from a friend to get teething tablets
-Luke starting to smile
-Luke starting to giggle
-Dancing around the house with my boy singing primary and Disney songs
-Having a good husband who really loves his son
-A husband that makes me laugh
-Support from Facebook
-An amazing and loving lactation consultant who told me my latch was good and not the problem!
-A visit from Grandma Sandi, Aunt Shelley and Luke's cousins on the Whitney side
-Having my sister, Lindsay, to call or video chat whenever I need a shoulder to cry on
-Skype chats with sister Natalie in the middle of the night when Luke won't sleep
-Texting with sister Hailey who also just had a baby and can totally relate
-Calling mom
-Being told things get better
-Luke's sweet and handsome face and the love I have for him

And now I realize, of course, that the second list is much longer than the first and that I have a lot to be grateful for. I need to stop focusing on the bad. All I can do is pray for strength to get through these things and hopefully I'll be a better person because of them.

Christmas 2013

A late Merry Christmas to all! We have been a little preoccupied this year and didn't send Christmas cards out. Most Christmases we travel to see family but, since Luke is so brand new, we spent our first Christmas in our new home actually at home! No family was able to come so it was just us three-- our own little family. It was a nice and simple day. We woke up and fed Luke and then we Skyped with my sister and her family, who live overseas in Qatar. My parents were there for Christmas so we got to talk to them as well. Then we opened presents!

Here are a couple of pictures of Luke with one of his few Christmas presents. I figured since I just gave him life and a nursery full of things to go with it that we'd be pretty simple. We got him a couple of board books and he got a few things from other family as well. We had all kinds of Christmas outfits for him-- here he is in his jammies! His feet are little Santas.

One of my presents was this beautiful Anthropologie apron! I have a closet full of aprons-- I love them! I also got some beautiful new cookware.

Bryan got this Zelda game, which he spent pretty much the rest of the day playing while Luke and I napped on the recliner next to him.

One of Bryan's gifts to me was this Downtown Abbey cookbook! Awesome!

We also got a family copy of The Book of Mormon, which is really neat. We got a lot of other really nice things from family as well! Thank you so much, everyone! We loved eveeything!

In the Whitney family it is tradition to have Eggs Benedict for Christmas breakfas. Bryan did it all and he did such a great job!

Luke and I in front of the Christmas tree. Yes, that's a little reindeer on his bottom. :)

We barely even celebrated New Year's. We went to bed at 9:30! I'm sure we'll be more adventurous when the newborn stage is over and we get into a good routine.

Luke is doing well and actually sleeps really well at night! We feed him around 10 and then he wakes up at 2 and 6 to eat but otherwise sleeps (and lets us sleep). We are blessed that he doesn't suffer from day/night confusion. We are having some issues with nursing that have been pretty stressful but that is a story for another blog post.

We hope everyone had a great holiday and we promise to send out Christmas cards next year.