Goodbye, Pump.

Well, it's done.

I haven't pumped for over a week. I thought I'd feel more free than this. I mean, I do. It's so nice to not have to worry about making sure I'm home at certain times, confined to the couch several times a day. There are so many other emotions surrounding the whole issue, though. I'm pretty sure my friends are tired of hearing about it because I've talked about it almost nonstop for, oh, 5+ months. To my friends: I'm sorry. Hopefully this is my last rant.

Five months of pumping later and I still get depressed sometimes, especially during this winding down time. It doesn't help that this is National Breastfeeding Awareness month and there are posts all over Facebook about it. I often find myself thinking, "If only I had tried..." or "If only I had had the forethought to..." or "If I'd just been more patient." When those thoughts come I try to push them out of my mind because, even if they are true, I tried so much and I thought about it too much and one can only have so much patience sometimes, especially in a fragile emotional state. Now that I'm ending this stage (which I also feel kind of guilty for doing since I made it this far-- but having an end goal of 8 months kept me sane all those months) I can't stop thinking about how I'll go about it the next time around. I literally could not fall asleep a few nights ago until I jotted all my ideas (notes to my future pregnant self) that I didn't want to forget. 

I also feel a guilt that if I do succeed next time around what if Luke feels gypped somehow? The answer is he won't care or know but, as his mom, I feel protective of his feelings even if they are feelings that I'm having for him... and far too far in advance. I guess the underlying feeling is that I never want him to think I didn't love him as much as his sibling to really make it work. I feel guilty that he had the be the trial run baby, but that's just how it goes with first born children. I know I've learned a lot and I know things now that will help me next time (regardless of the "every child is different" mantra we all repeat). Most importantly, I know what to expect of myself.

I've learned that, though breast is best, formula is great and that the most important thing is that your child is healthy and happy. I know my freezer stash won't last us until he's a year so I expect to transition to formula and I'm totally okay with that. To be honest, it took me a little while to be okay with it, though. Now I live by the phrase, "Breastfeeding isn't the true test of motherhood."

One last guilt: I feel guilty that I've become so consumed by this issue. I mentioned above that I've talked about it a lot. Sometimes I worry that I'm too selfish-- that I talk over people about my own problems instead of really listening to them about theirs. I don't want to be that person. I'm sorry if I've been that person to you. I promise I'm trying to be a better me.

And now, to borrow an, er, overly popular phrase I know I must let it goooooooo, let it goooooooo.... let go of my guilt and move on. Thank you to everyone who has been so loving and supportive to me during this time. I'm grateful to have wonderful friends and family and I love you guys.

To Grandmother's House We Go!

So a couple of weeks ago, without too much advance warning, we hopped a plane and went to Maryland. Just like that! Actually it was a lot more intense than that-- traveling is a lot more complicated with a baby than on your own. We had to carry around a cooler bag full of breast milk, bring our pack 'n play, check the car seat and stroller at the gate each time, worry about naps and fussiness on the plane and another million things I'm pretty sure I've blocked out. A couple nice things about our traveling with baby experience, though: everyone was very complimentary on how adorable my baby is but oftentimes would try not to sit next to us (which is how we got a free seat between us on our first flight out, which was "full." Sweet!) and we didn't have to haul heavy carry on bags around the airport because he put it all in the basket of Luke's stroller or hanging off the handles. Our two flights out went really well with him! He was overall happy and cute. The way back was crankier, though, and we were glad to be home.

My sister lives overseas during most of the year and so we wanted for everyone to get together in the summer when she and her family would be here. Originally we had rented a big cabin in Colorado for everyone to come to. That would have been a straight through, 2 hour flight for us. Simple. A couple weeks before that planned trip my dad had a heart attack (which he is recovering well from now, thank goodness) and the doctor told him that he should fly under no circumstances. So, that trip was postponed until the fall. However, that would rule Natalie and her family out of coming and after the scare of my dad's heart attack we all wanted to be together. So plans were moved and changed and we went home to Maryland instead.

Luke's first flight!

I can pretty much barely get him to sleep in my arms anymore.

Layover + Two Hour Delay in Chicago Midway

Finally we arrived! It was so good to be home-- the home I love so dearly. We were so excited to see everyone! Several family members still hadn't met Luke, including his cousin just a few months older than him.

Meeting his future playmate for the first time!

Playin' with cousin Jack! Another future playmate-- though Jack is a year and a half older.

Smiley boy loved this toy Grandma had!

I am really glad we ended up going back to Maryland. My parents are selling my childhood home and I got one last hurrah there. I'm also glad I got to bring at least one of my kids there. They are moving just a half an hour away so technically when I go back I could drive by my old house but that sounds much too painful-- some other family living in my house.

Such a gorgeous house.

I had a very idyllic childhood.

I love Luke snuggles.

First time on a swing!

Not sure why he pulls his own hair... Silly boy!

Being men, grilling.

One of the nights we decided to have a girls night out to the temple. I didn't realize it until i was putting my skirt on but I'd left my recommend at home in my temple bag! We had to go through the whole process of calling my bishop at the temple so I could go. I'm so glad I was able to because it was a wonderful experience. We were greeted by this site when we got home:

Bryan & my brothers in-law playing board games. I love seeing this!

Mom and sisters at the temple.

This was probably the last time I'd be in my home ward... I'm glad I got to show Luke off.

Cousins having fun playing!

Dad and Luke enjoying the porch swing.

Luke would crack up when Ivy jumped on the trampoline.

Silly boy!

We got to see so many old friends while we were there-- Amanda came to chill with us one morning.

Mom and Dad took us to visit their new lot. It was gorgeous and green and had us longing to live on the east coast (don't worry Boise friends, we love it here too and will be here for a little while still).

Panorama view of the lot.

Grandma and Grandpa playing with Luke while Bryan and I took a stroll around the lot.

Cousins enjoying some video game time.

We were there for a little less than a week but the time flew by too quickly for my taste. It felt so nice to be home and be with my family. Unfortunately two of my sisters weren't able to come with the change of plans but luckily we'll see them and their kids when we go to the Colorado cabin this fall.

Since we've been back life has continued to be busy. Luke used to sleep until 7-8 but has never really gone back to that since we got back. He's been getting up so early lately and I did not miss that. I think it's mostly due to teething and having a general 8 month sleep regression that comes with learning to crawl and such. I've been busy crafting up a storm-- making birthday presents and play mats and decor for our house. I love it! I'm also just about done weaning myself off of pumping. It's gone well but been a little emotional. I'll post more on that later. Bryan got a call from Nintendo America saying they approved him to be a game developer for the Wii U!!! We are very excited about that. He really enjoys making games as a hobby.

Anyway, that's life as of late!

Independence Day + Life

Oh, do I have a blog? Sometimes its been weeks months since I've written and then all the sudden I'll remember that I have one. Especially now that we have our sweet little boy, I want so much to document life. I was looking through my personal hand written journal the other day and realized that I haven't written in it since I found out I was having a boy. Wow, Alyssa. Way to take note of the important things in life. Aaaaanyway, I'm here now, writing about not writing... so I should probably get onto the meat of the post.

Well, the 4th of July was a couple of weeks ago and we had a great day. I just love any reason to celebrate. Recently, I've started a craft group with some other ladies in my ward/neighborhood and I've really enjoyed it because I love crafting. We meet just once a month but I craft myself nearly every day. Anyway, at our first craft group I made these:

I saw them on Pinterest and couldn't stop thinking about them. They aren't perfect but I really like them. I just put little flags in them this year but maybe next year I'll get some flowers or something for them.

Since the 4th was a Friday we decided to use the long weekend and go to Utah. This was Luke's first long trip ever! The car ride was the worst of it. We left after Bryan got home from work and I assumed that would be perfect and he'd sleep in the car. Sometimes when we're out and about and it's getting close to nap time as we are driving home Luke will fall asleep in his car seat (which I hate because then it's hard to transfer him without disrupting the nap process) so I thought it'd be like that. I'm not sure if it was because it was bedtime instead of nap time or because Bryan's car is brighter than the one Luke and I drive around in (it has better gas mileage) but it was not what I was expecting. He did take a little nap in the late afternoon of the car ride and that went okay. I snapped a picture of him sleeping. So cute:

To grandmother's house we go!

Anyway, he was a tired boy on the trip but did pretty well with naps once we were actually there. On the 4th we went a little carnival in Morgan, where Bryan's mom lives. It was so so hot and I was reminded of why I'm not a fan of summer. I hadn't realized this until then because I spend most of my time a.) in the house in air conditioning b.) in the car in air conditioning c.) in a store in air conditioning... basically I would die without air conditioning. I mostly lurked in the shadows (i.e. shade of anything I could find). It was a cute little fair with a lot of fun things for kids to do. Cousin Ella got her face painted. She asked for a "unicorn looking at an American flag" and the face paint's eyes widened dramatically with each word. In the end she just got a unicorn-- she's a funny girl. There were also some fun ring toss, etc games to play for free. Bryan, Luke, Shelley, Ella and Ethan took a cute little train ride around a field.

I love this candid shot of everyone.

Later that day Bryan's cousin, her husband and their baby girl Dierdre came over. Dierdre and Luke are just a couple weeks younger than Luke so we thought it would be fun to get them together. It sure was! They really interacted. You can kind of see it in some of the pictures below. Dierdre is a cute girl with such a sweet disposition. I wish we could have play dates more often!

We had a delicious BBQ with hot dogs, hamburgers, potato salad, frog eye salad, corn... so many delicious things. I made a fruit pizza for dessert:

When the babies were put to sleep we decided to set off some small fireworks. I've never bought fireworks before-- just watched the big ones others set off. It was fun to do that and have sparklers. It'll be fun when Luke is old enough to appreciate these things too.

After, we just sat in Sandi's backyard and watched fireworks all over the valley. I'm not exaggerating when i say it was the best fireworks experience I have ever had. We didn't have to go anywhere or deal with crowds and we could see them going off all over. Her neighbors even set off some really good ones right in front of us that were better than the city fireworks! I can't remember which these were, though:

So fun! The next day my old roommate Alicia came up and visited all day. it was so fun to introduce her to Luke and she just loved him. Who doesn't, though? He is such an adorable, happy baby. I can't get enough of him. We played with Luke and when Luke went down for naps we played games just like old times. In the evening we ate s'mores and finished off our small fireworks.

What an amazingly fun weekend! We drove home on Sunday and that drive was probably worse than the one there. There was this huge hassle of trying to find a place to warm Luke's bottle and the only gas station for miles having the convenience store closed... seeing someone run into the pump... Luke waking up and falling asleep a million times over... Lets just say we were so happy to get home and sleep in our own beds.

Also since I last posted Bryan and I were able to celebrate Mother's Day and Fther's Day. Last year we knew we were having a baby and so we celebrated but now we really are fully fledged parents. For Mother's Day Bryan bought me a 90 minute massage and a couple other small, cute things. Oh. My. Gosh. I told him he could get me that every year! Best Mother's day present ever! Motherhood is hard work and getting to relax like that is just about the best thing I could have asked for. For Father's Day I got Bryan a few small things and we also got a grill from Target for a really good deal! We've been grilling up a storm ever since. Bryan is a grill master already.

 As I mentioned earlier, I am super into crafting and sewing right now. It's important to do something for yourself as a motehr so you aren't drawing from an empty well. This is what I do for me and I'm thriving in it. Sometimes I can't fall asleep at night for thoughts of all kinds of different projects I'm planning on doing. A lot of them are for my house but one of the things I'm doing is making these padded travel play mats for babies and selling them on Etsy. If you're interested here's the link: http://www.etsy.com/shops/TheLoveableLion

Well, last but absolutely not least is Luke. Really, I just saved the best for last. We love this little boy so much! The first three months were very hard. I loved him dearly then as well but they were very hard. I'm sure you're aware if you've been keeping up with this blog. After that the months have really seemed to fly by! I love being a mom to this smiley sweetheart. It's still hard work but he is so cute and so much fun. I love watching him grow up and go through all these different stages. He eats normal food with us and has his bottom two teeth and his top two are slowly coming in. He can roll over both ways easily and always, always immediately rolls to his tummy for sleep now. He's been in his crib for months and sleeps 11 hours most nights! We love bedtime! He enjoys having his Dada read him bedtime stories and his Mama sing to him. He still has a full head of hair and has had three haircuts already! If we set him down sitting up he stays that way easily to play with toys. Right now he is working on crawling! He army crawls pretty well but is working on getting up on his knees. He's no longer content to sit in our laps but wiggles all around to get to what he wants. He is such a cute boy and I kiss him pretty much every moment I am playing with him. Here's a video I took of him trying to crawl yesterday. Beware, it is three full minutes long.

Life is very, very good.

Easter 2014

Well, I'm a little late on this post but better late than never, as they say. This Easter was very exciting because Bryan and I got to play Easter bunny for the first time ever and we had family in town. I love, love, love festivities of any kind. Of course Easter is so much more than just egg hunts and chocolate. It is a time to remember our Savior and the sacrifice He made for each and every one of us. That should always be the focal point of this day but fun little activities are an exciting side note. Luke is a little young to go hunting for Easter eggs but that didn't stop us from including him in egg dyeing fun.

 All our eggs in all their glory.

 Bryan was very proud of his Triforce egg.

Every Easter growing up my mom would make or buy us a special Easter dress so new clothes are eternally linked with this day in my mind. We got Luke a cute little outfit from Target to wear the church. Here he is after church on Easter morning with the egg I dyed for him-- a little dinosaur, which seems to be his theme.

 Easter baskets from the Easter bunny (mom & dad) and Grand Easter bunny (Grandma Sandi)!

And finally, our delicious Easter feast of ham, cheesy potatoes and salad (followed later by a not pictured coconut cream pie). We had such a fun time having Grandma Sandi and Uncle Mike here to celebrate the day!